Devil Incarnate..

Reflections - Lost Mind!!!

2012-01-30T22:49:00.000+05:30

The wait is finally over, gazing atthe distant horizon
laughing at herself for the sheerfolly;
As tears trickle down mocking at face
Trying to wipe out the last dropbefore it touches the cheek
Clueless as the world dead shortin front of her!

She stared for a long time intothe water. Seemed like the water will come up, embrace and console herthat its all fine. Its all fine ! she exclaimed, not quite sure if hermind is following what she thinks. She had realized a long back that hermind had its own way of thinking which never followed what she wants. Shewanted to be strong as if nothing really mattered, but her mind had otherplans with its unusually rebellious mood swings, not quite sure to yellor to shout or just cry out as if its not easing anything.

Finally she looked at me and smiled,lets go! I tried to smile back, but failed miserably, it went somewherewithout touching the eyes. I wanted to hug her tightly and whisper thatI'm here and will be always. I wanted to take her in my arms and console,to take away those tears which was blurring her view. I was not sure, didshe ever realize my existence, she never really cared I know. That’s allright, as long as I possessed her. I knew that at the end of the day sheneeded me, I was the one to give her peace. She looked at me and walked.I tried to stop but she was already in water, as the water embraced her,I couldn't see her or myself as I went along with her drowning, I don’twant to go, I tried to cry, but my tears were stopped by her smile, hermind is playing again with me, but this time she took me along her waytowards the ever ending sleep. Finally we are at peace forever as the mindstopped playing.

Random Thoughts - On a Rainy Day..!!

2012-01-14T23:58:00.000+05:30

New Year, New Resolutions, Promises to finish all those you have started yet left half way, yet it also brings the untainted memories of childhood. Was that the winter rain outside, pouring mercilessly trying to come inside my glass door or was it because of the Kishore Kumar voice melodiously and melancholy coming out of the radio or was that the hot cup of coffee on a rainy day which did the trick!! Yes, I do miss, my childhood days, my celebrations at home, playing around grandpa and those garam onion pakodas of my granny, its all running behind with past leaving me ahead.

I'm back to one of my somber moods missing my childhood days and pals wondering what I’m doing in this city.

Memories brings again those days of innocence where rain meant unending play in water and getting soaked, where celebration meant sharing one piece of cake among ten people, where impossible meant just another word from dictionary you didn’t want to pronounce., where fight meant your little arguments to sit on your favorite chair, where friends meant forever unconditionally, where Love was Papa's share of extra candy than others, where care was moms way of tugging you up and giving goodnight kiss, where grandpa was the best story teller than today’s thriller movie, where fashion was following Mama's style, where tears were meant to bring dear ones closer, Where life was lived with each moment cherished. I wonder did I left all that in the past
Wish I could just push a button to go back and pause there forever..!

I’m back after a long sabbatical, I guess everyone needs a break, but I feel more alive here penning down the thoughts. I missed you all and I know that I have a lot to catch up…

Happy New Year to All, lets live every moment of your life full, so that looking back, you don’t have a moment to regret..!!

Bad Day at Its Worse..!

2011-09-10T19:58:00.003+05:30

Have you ever been in a position where suddenly whatever you does goes wrong???

Like if you were thinking of the devil and the devil is ACTUALLY in front of you? Like you got up late, to know that electricity is gone and you dont have an ironed dress. That while bathing suddenly the water starts coming feebly. You went for breakfast, its already finished.You missed your bus, the auto guy charged double, got stuck in traffic and you were late to office just by one minute and have to sit another 8 hrs extra the whole week to compensate the same.Then once you start your work, its not happening the way you wanted and you have to literally roam around up and down to make it happen only to be known that the network is down and your most important work is stuck.You end up spending your extra hours in office while all your friends are away watching your favorite long awaited blockbuster movie. The pinch of salt might be that one of your friend calls up to ask, can i take your ticket if you are not going, you ends up saying "YES", though all you wanna do exactly is strangle her.

You come back home in an auto after hours of waiting just to see that you are not finding your key and your roomie is also gone for the movie. Begging the owner and then taking the duplicate key, finally entering your room to take the fresh air, you will be wondering where the hell have everyone been gone, when i'm in such a mess; you can understand that you just applied Murphy's law in every possible practical way and survived. Well while just thinking about negative, you get a call from home, saying something gone terrible bad... It all happens on a BAD DAY!

Tested and survived successfully

Personal Advice - Dont try yourself as you may end up in the coffin

On a good note - at home for this onam, though not having a holiday. Actually glad for coming, coz this one is one of the most memorable EVER..!

Belated Happy Onam to ALL :)

Moving with My Life...!

2011-07-10T20:12:00.003+05:30

Monsoons have almost splashed everywhere across India, but it haven't done anything to slow down my pace, June being one of the most busiest months i have seen. My best buddy M's wedding, Changing Job and joining back in my 1st company, Memorable journey to Assam, Mumbai n Delhi ... its gonna be a longg longgg list. I just forgot to have a track of things around, trust me it was one of the beautiful months. But the Most memorable moment was to see M in her bridal dress, amazingly beautiful, wondering should i say "you look great", or "you look beautiful", sometimes you know... words are not enough. Coming back to my 1st company was like going back to home, its great to be back to working some of the best people in the industry. If there is pinch of salt, its that, i didnt get time to visit shillong, i have been there before, but my visits never crossed more than a day where as you need all ur time to see shillong, one of the beautiful places i have seen, Well there is always a "Next time", its already on top1, in my priority list of definite placed to travel. I wonder will i ever get those Momos here in Bangalore....! Hey anyone from Kerala visiting Assam felt like its lotttttttttttt similar to kerala......... or am i the only one with that feeling....!

" Times of sanctity and glee, I walk my way to the destiny

Coloring my world with moments, the cherished ones

I walk the rain as the drops dance to the tune of breeze

Washing away my tears of bliss as you hold my hands

This journey will end like the wake from the dream

But I will still cling to the grin you bestowed on to me."

M's wedding in Assam, trust me, it was again a completely new experience watching this..

A view of Guwahati from my room...

Kamakhya Temple, its an experience, visiting here with lot many different customs..

July seems to be a busy month, but then you always have time to see the people you wanna see, and M is gonna settle down is Bangalore, do i need a better reason to smile?

Love you All and have a great time ahead...! I'm loving the weather in Bangalore, i though i'm gonna miss the monsoon :)

Falling In Love...!

2011-05-08T23:01:00.002+05:30

Oh honey! No one can express how much I love you

Its not the way you look, nor the touch or whisper

It’s not the way you see nor hear or feel

But then I’m unable to express, no matter how many words I take

Why my heart beat stops, when I see you?

Oh was that so easy to fall in love that I can’t help myself

That I never realized, life is so incomplete without you in it.

Wish I could tell you, before it’s late

I still don’t understand why it’s so complicated

To let you know, that it will always be just you.

Two of my childhood friends are getting married, truly in love after years of waiting.. It’s great to see such happy endings, to see them holding on to each other after such a long time. The boy is a Christian and the gal is a Hindu Brahman. They had enough hurdles before both the families agreed. I wish them all the happiness.

I Still Miss ..

2011-04-30T09:08:00.000+05:30

Something’s never change, I used to think that as I get old my choices will change, I will be a different person. But then life has changed a lot, people have changed for better and worse. Sometimes I myself am not able to relate to what is happening around. Then I see that I haven’t moved on in many things, in my life...

Time is ticking, as I run to keep pace

Waking up every day at the same lane

Unsure where to move wishing

You hold my hand and show the way

But then time had left you behind long back

What am I waiting for, living in your memories?

That small little girl wearing frilled frock roaming around grandpa’s house without listening to her mom, with astonishing eyes is still a surprise for me. I wonder how she managed to roam alone in trees, wasn’t she scared of stranger, and well that girl is totally anonymous to me. How she managed to convince grandpa to make her little wood-house is still a secret. How she remembered each story told by grandpa, when I can’t even remember the last call on my mobile phone. When I look at the old and fragile person reading newspaper in the veranda, I wondered where I met this person before. I don’t know him, while my eyes searched for the one who used to eagerly wait for my visit with all the things that I like.

I know I have added more than thousand friends in my friends circle from the time I got my first friend. But there is not even a single day which goes by without thinking of him, someone I lost on the memory line by the end of school days. May be it was not just about doing homework together or playing together or going to school. Guess best friends were meant forever even in their absence.

I don’t have a big memory of my kochu muthashan, my grandpa’s younger brother who never got married, who used to stay with my grandpa. But I do remember his big commanding voice; everyone was scared of that till he got a stroke and was bed ridden for another 2-3 months before his death. He was very fond of me and when I went to grandpa’s place on that year’s vishu he wanted me to have lunch with him, but me being a kid, forgot about the whole thing and had lunch with my other cousins and went one playing with them. He had a stroke in the same evening and was rush to the hospital. He didn’t talk much on the way, than asking about me. I never breached a promise to anyone after that, just wish had I known that, that will be the last time I will see him.

My secret keeper, there is a reason why he got that name, he used to have this telepathic thing to know exactly what I’m thinking, let it be something good or bad, happy or sad, he knew it all. It didn’t matter whether it was about my little crush or some fight. Something he got just by listening to my voice, I thought he will be there for ever. M, V and me, quite known us three musketeers, during our last get-together, I was wondering about the busy schedules and how difficult it is getting to catch up with each other. He told me to chill, that he will be watching me. Now I know that no matter how much busy day it is I would always find time to talk to him. He will definitely be watching me, what I miss are those calls when I was sad, when I had a rough day, when I had happy news to share.

Games We Play..

2011-03-05T04:30:00.000+05:30

Crazy, they call; we are, now and always

Your philosophies and my principles

Your silence and my confusions

For all the unreciprocated questions and those clumsy answers

The distance and times we have lost keeping away

Just to realize that we were so close-

But so busy searching for our own soul

Enough all the arguments; for I’m no more scared

To speak my heart and to make peace

I seldom believed in serendipity till you came my way

But now I know the games life play, between you and me.

Shattered Soul..

2011-02-16T00:46:00.000+05:30

Oh the silent cry of the shattered soul

May remain hold, never to be known

For all those words have broken in aghast

By the impulse of emotions

A word of hope or a broken trust

All end up in those drops of tears

Let me burn away than be forgotten

Coz’ it was you the one, always.

:) Hope everyone had a blast on Valentines Day..! I had a re-union with some of my old friends whom i lost touch.. Life is surprisingly beautiful and painfully real, hope life is treating you well..

Obsessed with You !

2011-02-12T00:59:00.002+05:30

Here I am, unable to speak

Unable to take off my eyes on you

Unable move & to let you go

Enthralling all the words that you whispered

Scared that you will fade away with time

Completely obsessed with you!

Pic Courtesy - Deviantart

I Dont Belong Here..!

2011-01-26T00:16:00.003+05:30

I don’t belong here,

As I look around with hope

There again! You are wrong

My mind screams at its pinnacle.

The journey began long back, the only thing I wonder about is when it’s going to end. New places, new people and a feeling that’s deeply reflected inside my mind that “I don’t belong here”. My mind laughed at me asking when was the last time I had that feeling.

Oh I know I’m too late to ask you about the new year, after all Jan is going to end. But hope that the New Year is treating you well. I bid Good bye to Mumbai – a place that actually took my heart… Given a choice, I would love to go back. On a happy note I’m back to Bangalore, my second home. I was not regular here, thanks to all the traveling, but it feels great to be back here...

Time for Celebrations..!!!

2010-12-24T13:18:00.001+05:30

Its Christmas .. Time to celebrate...!

forgetting all the worries, pains and heartaches and welcoming the New Year with New Hopes, promises, aspirations, success and above all Loads of Happiness...

Have a Great Christmas & a Fantabulous New Year!

Cheers... !!!

Adding One More Year to Live....!

2010-12-12T23:00:00.002+05:30

It’s the year end, but most importantly it’s my b’day! Now that calls for a celebration! Or an Introspection?

Well, a quite get together strictly with family and close buddies, and thank u all for sticking through thick and thin, I wanted it to be passed like another day, You made it special. And thanks, H for the surprise, I loved it completely.

This was a year that made me me realise, not to take anythings for granted, specially when it involves people.. and i again wished to have a time turner. But above all i miss some of my friends and family that i lost, i'm stll not able to accept.

The year was not welcoming with much to lose and almost nothing to gain, except of course the experiences, which I would rather love to, forget.

I'm adding one more year to live, with lot of expectations and much to do, and a prayer that all will be well..!

Time... You Lost!

2010-12-08T17:45:00.000+05:30

Time, the great healer, there you stand!

Like the warrior who lost the battle-

Unable to mend the broken soul

Oh! The pieces are crushed all way

With nothing left but imperfections

But I was meant to live with the odds

Though you took your precious time to seize

What a waste it has been, I knew it all the way!

Pic Courtesy - Deviantart.com

Life is Calling..!

2010-11-19T17:52:00.002+05:30

Rain started pouring heavily, she couldn’t see anything clearly. It’s already dark and the rain was making the journey difficult. She pushed the accelerator. She was not sure whether it’s the rain or the tears in her eyes that is making her difficult to see. She wanted to be strong, but this journey was making it difficult. Even the rain was not showing any mercy. She loved rain with all its beauty and madness, but now even that was sardonic. She pushed the accelerator once more, this time she was calm as all she saw was never-ending darkness as the rain washed away all the emotions.

“Yeh tumhari meri baatein hamesha yuhi chalti rahein……..”

All her thoughts were on hold with the phone buzz. Who is calling at this time, she muttered while checking her phone, she thought she switched off her mob. Oh it’s Papa! She was not ready, to pick the phone, she knew he will get the change of voice as always. He was good at understanding her though this time he made a mistake by thinking that she will be fine.

Now she was thinking about her papa and how he single handedly managed to bring her up. She knew that she is letting her father down. This was not the way her life was supposed to end. She was going to marry someone who loved her, was going to take up a job in her dream city but who twisted her fate.

Life was calling her again, she cant go on with the thoughts of her papa, she turned her car and picked up the phone..

“Hi Papa…”

Pic Courtesy - http://www.flickr.com/photos/22616459@N08/2194380595/

Musings of a Lost Mind..!

2010-11-09T16:48:00.003+05:30

Lost friends, death of dear ones, staying in an unknown city missing the place I loved which was part of my life and what more…

A journey to leave everything behind..

But even that ended so fast reminding me that good things end too fast..

Was I worth it?

Timeless Memories..!

2010-10-28T17:59:00.002+05:30

Ruminations enthralling my world

Open, yet powerless by the melancholy of the unspoken words

So near, yet far, was it destined this way?

To fade away with the time even before it begin

Only to be remembered for the eternities like a timeless tale.

Leaving me wondering, was it my first love, or just an obsession?

Demented Soul !

2010-10-23T16:59:00.000+05:30

Anon, invisible and lost

By the tyranny of emotions

Dwindle to a wandered soul

I fear no more of your existence

But to my demented thoughts!

I Have Learned...! (5)

2010-10-14T18:00:00.003+05:30

I have learned that...

Courtesy to deviantart.com

My Musketeers...

2010-10-02T13:53:00.000+05:30

There is a numbness while writing this post, “Three Musketeers”, well that was my gang of three devils ready to do weirdest, funniest, adventures stuff, best people of my life always by me for anything and everything. I lost V long back to cancer and R recently; i know memories will always be there, but will not be replaced. The last SMS from R i received was more like a sign, “Hey watching you”. I still wait for your morning miss calls to wake me up.. though i know, there wont any, anymore...

Quite clueless I’m, I guess, now. I will miss you a lot...

Oh! Scary life is, mocking at my fate;

As the mighty sun sets in the distant horizon;

Leaving me in solitude with the darkness;

Only to wake up every morning to see myself looking for sign;

Searching in every crowd hoping to see you back

Blaming the mighty for his cruelty; why me?

Unanswered questions and unheard prays;

Now it’s just me and my life

Wondering where to start again!

My Bygone World..

2010-09-27T17:07:00.000+05:30

Leaving behind the past,

I’m moving with the world

Yet stagnant with the time!

This is not the end; nor will it ever be.

I’m tired of running, hiding away from you;

I’m tired of all the pain and setbacks;

I’m not left with any courage to face again;

Thy I wish, to face you again, with a ray

Oh my life, I miss you so much!

Wanderer I’m, hoping to see you my way

To take you back to my bygone world.

Unfinished Book..!

2010-09-11T17:04:00.002+05:30

I read your book yesterday, the one I thought would be a great one, only to find it unfinished. The title amazed me, the characters I was familiar with, there were emotions and pain, setbacks and hard work, but did I miss the ending?

You could have written the love and friendship, the success you had n the titles you gained!

I thought I could predict it, but you left it the way you left, just like that and I was wondering was it meant to be a happy ending or you always knew that it will end it this way..
Its been a month since you left, I thought I could finish it, I was so wrong, how could I write your life?

I have my book here unfinished; leaving me wondered who’s going to finish it?
Words have stopped coming long back; I was just waiting for the sign. May this is the last..!

Do we always get the chance to say Good-bye?

Monsoon Blues..

2010-06-15T10:20:00.003+05:30

Monsoon has finally arrived with all its mighty

Touching the earth fiercely, making its presence

Taking me back to my days that will never return

As the memories flood like an unending tyranny-

Filling my eyes, it washed away the last drop of tears…

Monsoons are finally here, bringing memories of the by-gone era. I loved it all the time, it’s like part of my life, may be due to the reason that they have witnessed it all.

This is Us..!

2010-04-26T19:40:00.000+05:30

Are we still playing? I’m so used to this,

But still you surprise me every time

With those casual glances just to make sure I’m around

And to look away like it didn’t matter if I was there or not.

I’m not bored, when I wait for you

While you are too busy talking to your folks

But then you surprise me by taking my hands

And carry me away to our world.

I never expected you to say ‘love you’

Nor I expected you to stay,

I never asked you anything nor did I express

I just knew that, you will be around, but again

You surprised me by a vow to the world that “you’re mine”!

Stay Beside forever..!

2010-04-22T19:27:00.000+05:30

Mesmerizing, the way you look at me,

As it touches deep down my soul

Bringing me back to life, to be in your life.

Was it planned this way?

That I was meant for you,

I wonder how you steal my destiny

From the hands of fate, Coz I know

You came my way out of nowhere to be my side forever.

Forbidden Tears..!

2010-04-06T18:34:00.001+05:30

When he took your hands looking at your eyes, smiling at you,

Did you know that your life will be changed forever?

The man in the altar and the one in coffin had the same smile

But this time she was taking his hands, forgotten to smile

While tears tumbledown like an uninvited guest!

My Last Breath..!!

2010-03-29T19:15:00.003+05:30

Falling for you was so easy,

That I never realized, it will take my life away

Now I’m here fighting to my last breath

Holding, hoping to see you once again.

I could hear you footsteps,

I could hear you whisper my name-

Alas! It’s too late, as you pull me close –

Hugging me tight, trying to hold me back

Did it matter that I was already dying in your memory?

Coz’ I realized the moment, we were meant forever

Dead End..!!!

2010-03-18T19:14:00.001+05:30

As you walk away from the crowded road

Looking only at me, with a faded smile

As if nothing really mattered –

As long as we were together;

Did you knew the conspiracy, the world set for us

That the road had a dead end;

I wish I had told you, before it was too late-

Before you took the wrong turn-

Now it’s all empty, with dead ends everywhere.

I Have Learned ....!!! (4)

2010-03-11T22:48:00.001+05:30

I have learned that ….. "Moving On" is the most easy word to say, but most difficult to do.

I have learned that ….. You should learn to live alone coz you never know when you will stop trusting people around you.

I have learned that ….. You should be strong enough to face criticism with a smile and move on without it ruining your life.

I have learned that ….. Everyone needs a friend to hold on, but only “Time” will say who the true one is.

I have learned that ….. You don’t have to express everything you feel.

I have learned that ….. Tears are just drops of water, you may not cry every time you feel bad.

I have learned that ….. Just coz you talk to someone doesn’t mean you love them and not talking to someone doesn’t mean you don’t.

I have learned that ….. Doing what you like might bring the happiest days of your life.

I have learned that ….. You should learn to live with the odds.

Scared To Lose....!!!

2010-03-08T20:19:00.000+05:30

May this moon never set?

Let those stars show us the way.

May this night stay forever?

What if you disappear with the dawn?

What if day’s rays burn you away-

Ethereal, the moments of togetherness

What if I will be left out to take sides?

Can’t you see, I am scared to lose you

So I will take you in my eyes and close it forever.

Celebrating Your Grief

2010-02-23T18:43:00.003+05:30

I don’t count my days anymore,

I know, I have no time left-

I am already dead, what left is a soulless body

You tried to bring me back; I did hear your voice

But you were too late, don’t you see –

I already started my journey

There is no come back now,

My heart is already in pieces, it’s not a puzzle -

To bring it back together

There are words left to say, but now

It’s just you and a world celebrating your grief

"This is Her"

2010-02-12T19:43:00.003+05:30

Crossing paths, I finally found you

Turning the time for me, waiting all the way-

as I lived unaware of your existence

I could still smell the rose flower

I gave in your diary; I thought you were kidding,

Until you took my hand

exclaiming to the world ‘This is her'.

You Dont Exist...!!!

2010-01-27T19:26:00.003+05:30

Was it a dream or a nightmare?

Or was it my illusion, I know

That you don’t exist, not anymore;

The one I knew have become ashes,

The one in front of me is just an imposter.

You thought I would never know,

You thought you can hide it forever,

But broken glass always leaves a mark,

No matter how much you join.

Random Expressions...!!!

2010-01-21T18:59:00.003+05:30

She didn’t feel the pain;

She was going back to her faded memories; she knew that everything was over

A small smile passes through her lips; I don’t have to cry any more;

She wondered whether her absence will make any difference

No, it wont, she already knew the answer, she knew that she didn’t exist for him.

Turning The Time...

2009-12-26T18:39:00.003+05:30

Time is ticking…
Poking at me for all the things I left undo,
For all those broken promises, for the broken resolutions,
For the thoughts and words unsaid, for the dreams shattered
For the people I lost & for the times I failed
Making me wonder why I always wanted a time turner.

Another year is coming to an end, and I wonder why I am really thinking about what I couldn’t do, though there were a thousand things that I did. Why we always want to go back when we have more years left to live. An year full of surprises and shocks, lots of tears and some joy, lot of first times and still learning a lot… and of course to break my silence about so many things, that people were asking for a long time. Like M told me, even I hope that “ I will get back to see the old Me”, even I am not liking the new Me.

One More Year Passes....

2009-12-15T18:48:00.004+05:30

In glory you celebrate as I lost one more year of my life

Trying to go unnoticed, but you picked me up to tell the world

That you will be there behind me with those watchful eyes

As your kid is leaving your cocoon ready to fly.

I celebrated my b’day yesterday, trying to make it a very low key affair, though everyone new about it.

Words Are Not Enough..!

2009-12-01T19:38:00.002+05:30

Every time I think about calling you,
Wondering, you have enough time to listen
Words were not enough, when the silence speaks

Every time I think, what if you were here
Only to realize that it’s just me and my thoughts
Words were not enough, to tell that I miss you

Every time I think, about the last time I saw you-
a farewell without good byes and good bye wishes
I should have known that, this is my last chance to speak

But words were not enough, as I was left numb
I had a million things to say, I had my secrets to share
But time was up, and it was time to go,
So I prayed for you & for the moments of a lifetime.

Random Expressions...!!!

2009-11-27T19:06:00.001+05:30

She asked;

While walking across the road, if some one crush the rose flower you dropped, is it their fault?

And I just realized that I dropped it… Oh this is all my fault.

Damn it... I forgot that, it was my life...

Now no one was there to answer, I looked at her not knowing what to say

Nothing will make better, we broke the thread that kept us together.

She went the next day, and I didn’t heard from her for years, until yesterday

She called my up, to finally to say “it was our life”.

Moving with the Waves...!

2009-11-23T18:29:00.005+05:30

She sat in sand watching the waves touching her feet; she could feel the cold water making her feel light .The cool breeze was easing the moments of solitude.
She looked at the distant horizon, tears blocked her sight. She knew he is there somewhere, though out of her sight. Back home, she curled herself against the pillow, so that no one hear her crying. She had learned the hard way that, it only makes her weak.

Between You and Me

2009-11-02T18:45:00.003+05:30

Tears running down cheeks,

She cried until she saw him, smiling at her,

She knew its fine now, nothing can go wrong

He took her hand and she made her first step

That was years ago. Now when I walk with Pa slowly to his pace, hearing him telling about my childhood stories, I smiled wondering, things haven’t changed much. I am still that emotional, sensitive, stubborn person though I am not a chatterbox anymore. Pa was asking about my career, job and of course finally my marriage. I knew this was coming, but hearing from Pa was a different thing coz he never accepted that I have grown up and them suddenly he was talking about his daughters’ marriage. I saw that ease again in me that I was always comfortable talking to Pa about anything and everything, there was nothing to hide, he just knew everything.

Last some weeks I was stuck up with my work, having not enough time to talk to anyone. I heard my pals complaining, asking me to slow down. Lot of festivals passed without much celebration; even during diwali I surprised myself by separating myself from the crowd. I guess it was essential. Finally I was ready to give an answer to Pa. Amma was always a silent spectator; she knew she can’t influence me the way Pa do.

I haven’t really accepted the thing that I am getting old so I should start looking before “I get out of the market” in broker’s terms. But then I don’t have enough time and have to do a dozen things. Times ahead might be tough but surely interesting though in between I may bid farewell to Mumbai with memories for a life time and few people in mind, which I am sure, a part of my life.

Guys, I am back to blogging… now onwards I am sure that you can see me regular on your post and comments J

I know I have a lot to cover….

Forgotten Paths...

2009-10-13T14:49:00.005+05:30

Those walks across the road

Holding hands and smiling at each other

Never cared of what the world thinks

It’s been years, or was it yesterday

But I cherish each moment of closeness

Though I wonder whether you really existed

Scared to believe that your are not there

Scared to accept that you will never come

Searching you in every soul I meet

And feeling blue for not finding the one like you

You just taught me how a friend should be

Or you just came coz you knew I needed a friend

Oh! I wish I had answers for every little thing you did

that I wont be left numb seeing your old diary.

I am not so regular these days in blog world, taking a break from everything, but just thought of posting this one which i wrote on one of those lazy days, very close to heart for reasons untold.

Moving with Time..!

2009-09-21T18:34:00.003+05:30

Sipping a cup of coffee, sitting by the window side
Watching the world passing by, with laughter and fun,
Not seeing a single teary eye, I wonder,
Did they notice the lone girl standing next to window pane?
Or did they just left her to enjoy her solitude

She was thinking about you all the while,
Wishing you had come out of the veil
And take her back to your world
Even if that takes her life, coz
Time is moving, taking her along with it.

I have learned...! (2)

2009-08-28T18:21:00.003+05:30

I have learned that ..... people will never understand you the way you want them to.

I have learned that ..... you shouldn’t expect much from others, even if its your dear ones.

I have learned that ..... smiling from your heart is a difficult task, but when u do, it spreads.

I have learned that ..... sometimes change is essential to make you more human.

I have learned that ..... life may not always give you a choice.

I have learned that ..... life sometimes gives you a second chance, but you may not be able to use it.

I have learned that ..... no matter how much time passes, some things never heal, sometimes it hurts more than you thought.

I have learned that ..... I should never allow anyone to be too close that it hurts.

I have learned that ..... there are people who love me more than their life.

I have learned that ..... people who will care for you during the hard times may be the ones whom you least expected.

I have learned that ..... the more you grow, the more you want to be a child.

I have learned that ..... some of my best moments in my life were as a child.

I have learned that ..... I love myself more than anything now.

I have learned that ..... life is more about doing the things you love than making compromises.

I have learned that ..... it’s those little surprises that make your day than big celebrations.

Its a New Dawn..

2009-08-17T22:53:00.002+05:30

Away I am, away from you and the world
Away from those shattered dreams
Away from those half broken promises and words
Away from those memories that will never fade
Away from my problems and heartache’
Away from the life that I never lived.

Here I am in my world; it’s just me and god
Though you will be a silent spectator
You never let anyone take my life away from me
You never allowed anyone to crush my dreams
But alas! Now I don’t dream any more.

It’s a new dawn, beginning of a new day
Let dreams wait, let words wait
Let my actions speak, words are not enough
I am finally walking towards my life ready to face it again.

It s a new dawn, a new day, rather than roam around carefree, it’s great to see myself sticking to the principles I always believed in. Every second I live, I am just proud of some people who where there through thick and thin, just to make sure I am fine, but without your support papa, it would have been in vein. I always wonder how I would have been without you. Guess I should start believing in miracles, I know I just got lucky.

Against all the Odds

2009-08-10T19:01:00.000+05:30

Days passed, seasons changed, clouds went,
Bringing back the sunshine, time is moving
And I was here all the while waiting
But you never noticed, you never realized,
You were too busy searching for your small boat,
While the ship was leaving the shore
Now I can’t see you, distance has blurred my eyes
Time is ticking; I need to move on, every one needs to;
By the time you find me, there won’t be anything left,
But ashes, only to be washed away in the next rain.

Before Final Fall..!

2009-08-06T18:10:00.007+05:30

Finally its time for farewell
And give way to time.

I had stood there, victoriously with time
Without any fear, majestically with all the grace

But You, The One, who came yesterday-
can never take my place, though you will stay.

With me lie the memories of years-
Those golden days of childhood,

With all the freedom and liberty
The joy of unity and togetherness

And the feeling of being at home
You will be there reminded as a building
But I will always live to be known Home.

I dont think, i will be happy to see my moms house with its new look. Its like someone taking a part of your body and giving back in pieces.

Disclaimer : Pic is taken through google images

Memories..!

2009-08-04T18:18:00.003+05:30

I wrote your name on sand,
But waves washed it away.
I wrote your name on paper
Someone tear it apart
I wrote your name in my arms,
Flames burned it up
I wrote your name in my heart
Death took it away
leaving the memories behind.

Another friendship day passed without making any fuss, but reminded me of you. Those conversations we had, sitting by sea, enjoying the waves, leaving the worries and the world behind, to be remembered for the rest of my life. There is no emotion, no pain and nothing left though I feel numb. Like you say, world is not really bothered to grieve. So life will go on...

You, My Life

2009-07-30T18:48:00.001+05:30

Every day I wake up to your call,
Patiently trying to wake me up

Everyday I close my eyes
Seeing your good night messages

Everyday I start my day
Taking your wishes for a good day

Everyday you listen to my stories
Without a trace of irritation

Everyday you call me up
To be sure that I am fine

You have never asked for anything
You have never lost your temper

You have always accepted me as it is
You have always ignored my shortcomings

You have never stopped loving me
I wonder now, what if you were not there

What if I never got those messages?
What if you never called me up?

What if you never heard me out?
What if you never prayed for me?

Oh mine! I know its coz of you, I live,

That’s what makes you, My Life.

Bouquet of Happiness..!

2009-07-29T18:43:00.002+05:30

Those flowers are fresh and green

With time, it will also fade away
But you will be remembered
As long as I take my breathe .
You may never know coz
Sometimes words are not enough.

What a beautiful way to end my day, I was with A and T, roaming around the city till sleep calls. It was supposed to end as just another day, but my best buddies made it special. I don’t need surprises to make my day, but then it made my day. I think it may not be an easy task to bid adieu to Mumbai, when the time finally comes. I have realized many times that the way to happiness is to spent time with your dear ones, not in getting more money and fame. When it comes to success & happiness I can’t count the number of degrees I have or the number of positions I got. It’s more about how many people I have met and how I made a difference.

Changing Seasons..!

2009-07-24T18:06:00.006+05:30

World is so small! I am not making a statement here, I am just wondering, how we meet some people, we thought we wont meet for ages and then get surprised ending up asking “Hey its you”. Then to catch up with lot of things happening and updating about each others life. That’s a great feeling.

On the other day, my childhood mate V called me after a long time. I had almost forgotten that, he even exists in my friends list. It’s been years since we lost contact, great to get my friend back.

My best friend M is back in India, she always made sure, that distance and time won’t affect our relation. I thought I lost my good friend when she got married, I thought things wont be same after her marriage, but that was just a fear which never happened. She send me a gift, all the way from her place, and I can’t tell how much touched I was, not for the gift, but the reason behind sending it.

She is going to be a mother soon, though I didn’t really liked the idea of promoted as aunty so soon, but there is an excitement to see your childhood friend, to see in more matured and caring way, I know she will be a great mother.

Life is not going great, but can’t say its going bad. When I think I won’t be able to handle many things, life shows me that I can, though it may cost a lot. The irony is that I can see that I am becoming less emotional as each day passes. I know I can make my days great with cup of coffee in my hand and a book by my side, but that’s not life is about.. Even I started missing my devilish side.

I know life play the most unusual way, these days lot of good things are happening around that’s bringing a smile in my face.
Stupid me, I thought God is too busy listening to others.

As I Retrospect...

2009-07-22T19:03:00.002+05:30

As another day ends with,
Memories of the bygone days of innocence,
Feeling the monsoon rain dripping down my face,
Missing those get-togethers of laughter and fun,
Looking at the gift send by my dear friend,
Listening to my favourite song,
Embracing the solitude of my new life.
I realize, finally the time has come-
to start my journey back to home.

Walking Away..!

2009-07-17T14:07:00.002+05:30

When did I see you last?
When was the last time I heard you speak?
When was the last time, I talked to you?
We were so busy chasing the dreams;

we were so busy walking away from each other;
Now I wonder did u really exist,

or was it just one of those dreams I saw,
That shattered when I opened my eyes.
I should have known, I would have never opened my eyes
Now I may not see you, I may not hear you; I may not speak to you
Let me be a nightmare that you forgot in the morning
Than a dream, you want to cherish always.

Holding Me Close to Life..!

2009-07-11T19:02:00.005+05:30

All I wanted to do that time was call him. When I heard his voice, I couldn’t tell anything, I was crying like a baby and I didn’t knew the reason. Like always my father was there listening, he didn’t ask me what happened? Nor he asked why are you crying? Nor he scolded me for acting so childish.

This is us and we were always like this. Whenever there was something I couldn’t handle, Papa was there holding me. I have seen people telling that you can never be friend with your father. But it was easy for me, no matter whatever it is, I used to tell him. I sometimes expected him to scold, to get angry, to be more rigid, to be stricter, but he was always calm. There were times I thought he won’t understand me, but he always understood, he used to understand things just by hearing my voice, my tone, it was more than enough. He broke family rules coz he thought its hurting his kids too much. He stands by us for what I and my brother believes and corrected us when we were wrong.

I still remember my first day of school; he sat beside me in the class, until he was sure that I will be fine alone. He had sleepless nights when I had exams, he also sit late till I finished my studies. He was the one who was more tensed than my mom when I went for my first dance competition and I saw tears in his eyes when I got the prize. He asked for my choice when I was joining college. He supported me and gone against family rules when I went for my higher studies. During placement time, when the first company came to campus, I was just giving a try, but when I called my father at night to tell the happy news, he immediately told “congrats, I knew you will crack” even before I opened my mouth. I didn’t know that I will, but he had full belief.

When I came to Mumbai, I didn’t want to stay, but my father knew that I will be fine, I will accept the new world like always. Whenever he was away, he made sure to call me everyday.
Now when I am not able to understand myself, a time I don’t expect anyone to understand me, he was there reassuring me. He was again giving me choices, and he was fine with what ever decision I take. I am still a kid for him; and I will always remain like that no matter how old I become.

My father never liked me crying, coz he wanted his girl to be strong to handle any emotions. I know I should be stronger, but I was glad that my papa was there, when I was totally clueless about taking emotional things. He was holding me one more step close to my life. I am always known to be a Papa’s gal and I am very proud about that.

I have taken the pic from here

The 4's..!

2009-07-08T18:48:00.004+05:30

I was tagged by Mathew, and as nothing else came to my mind to write, I thought to take it up.
Gave chance to use my brains :)

Four places I have lived...

Trivandrum
Trivandrum always gave me the impression of the bygone era of royalty. I am proud to say that some of my best memories of my life stay with this place; I have spent a major part of my student career here. I have never seen anywhere else, the way people encourage you, if you have an interest in dance and music. The city has changed its look with more crowd, traffic and new buildings. But it will always remain my home.

Bangalore aka Bengaluru
I call this my second home, have seen the city even before it become an IT hub. Now I can say that its one of the most happening place in India (though the Bangalore traffic is horrible these days). I love Bangalore for its high energy, vibrant and welcoming spirit. Now that all my cousins are settled there, I have a thousand reasons to go back to the city again.

Hyderabad
I will remember Hyd for my MBA days, my last days of college life. Though its bit traditional, unlike other Metros, I still love the city, for a great reasons that it gave me some great friends I ever have. It is the city that tuned me as a person.

Mumbai.
Finally, my current home, I can’t say that I love the city, but it’s special for me for many reasons,. Guess I am slowly starting to accept the city as my own. Now I love the Monsoon here, I thought I will miss the monsoon rain until I saw the rain here. Just love the spirit of the people here….. too good.

Four TV shows Iove(d) to watch

Deciding this was bit difficult as I watch TV only for movies and songs. So I had a tough time selecting this one.

Fear Factor
This one I started watching due to my cousin’s pressure, but later even I started to enjoy it, it was great, got a chance to see how adventurous people can be. I have seen the version done Akshay Kumar, but like this one better.

The Oprah Winfrey Show.
Again, this is something I started watching coz I saw my mom interestingly watching an English show for the 1st time. It was great to know about people from different societies and countries sharing their experiences.

American Idol.
I am talking about the 1st versions, which become popular in India before all those reality bizarre. It showed some of the talented singers in English. Now sad to say that, its a kind of business than a healthy competition.

Tom & Jerry
This show is the number one on the list, coz this is something I started watching from school days and I still enjoy watching. There are lots of other cartoons, but this is something that makes me laugh like hell.

4 places I have been on Vacation

Coorg
I should say, I simply loved the place, for its greenery, for its beautiful coffee plantation, for those waterfalls. I was having this feeling that I am in Kerala, when I went there.

Assam
Another beautiful place in India, I think not much people have explored its beauty. Assam is more beautiful on rainy season, with all those tea plantation and forest, it gives an enchanting effect.

Dehradun
It’s a small city, but its very much developed in its own way. With a list of beautiful places side by side, trip to dehradun was memorable, loved the place for its beautiful mountains. Mussoorie is a place you should never miss in Dehradun.

Munnar
I love munnar for beautiful mountains, lakes, tea plantations and all the greenary, but specialy for its calmness.

Four of my favorite Food

Ottada
Yummyyyy….. I still remember my childhood days, and the hot ottada prepared by my granny. I still think no one can prepare it the way she did. Guess it has gone way for the junk foods, but that taste is always special.

Kappa & Mulaku Chammanthi
This also I have had only at my granny’s house, but it tastes better than any other food. The best combination I ever tried, though its so spicy that I end up drinking bottles of water.

Biriyani
I will specify that I love Kozhikodan Biriyani. Whenever I went to Calicut, this one have always attracted me with its aroma and taste. I think everyone who once had it, will totally agree with me.

Malabar Paratha
I don’t think I need to explain, how much keralites love this one. Though the best combination is with chicken curry and egg curry, I love this along with Cauliflower.

4 places I would rather be

Cherrapunji
Now, someone who loves rain should definitely visit this place na?
I have read one book on cherrapunji n I wanted to visit the place from that time onwards. Its very famous for its scenic beauty, though its still need to be explored more.

Netherlands
Its my personal favorite place, I have seen it a lot on pics and plan to go there once.

Paris
I have heard a lot about this one, known to the fashion destination. Someday I would love to see this place.

Budapest
No special reason, i was always attarcted by that time, it seems like it holds lot of mystery.

I wish... If I could list more than 4.

4 things I Hope to do before I die

To take my parents to Netherlands (like I told before, it happens to be my favorite place)

To Build a riverside home of my dreams.(I have this plan in mind for the last sometime now)

To perform dance in Khajuraho (I left dancing long back, so..! )

To write a book. (someday I will publishJ)

Four novels you wish you were reading for the first time

Fountain Head
A great classic of modern days.

Its not about the Bike : My journey back to life
A great book by Lance Armstrong. Its amazing to know how a normal human being can survive the adverse conditions. One of the best real life story on cancer.

My Temporary Son
It’s the true story based on author’s real life, how a small kid is changing their life. There lot of emotional touching moments in this book which I simply love.

Tuesdays with Morris
This is a book that I always keep with me, like a mentor. It has covered all aspects of life so well that you will never be bored by reading it. I have already read it countless times.

Four movies I see over and over

Gladiator
Love this picture for those dramatic and action sequences. Became a fan of Russell Crow I never got bored watching it again and again.

The Matrix
Everything was nice about the movie, the concept, the screenplay, action, screen presence. I still remember for sometime, it was the favorite of all my friends.

A walk to remember
It’s a simple movie with a simple story, one of my all time favorites. Of course! Not to forget those nice songs.

God Father
This is a movie that I watched with my brother for the 1st time, and like he said, it’s a great movie with some great acting. Never really knew about Al Pacino until I watched this one.

I think i was fair in writing this tag...
And this time i would definitly like to pass it to:

Dhanya
Arv
AllTalk
Mayz

I have learned...!

2009-07-03T18:45:00.004+05:30

I have learned that…
Life goes on, no matter what happens, though it may change you some way or other.

I have learned that…
You will know the value of people in their absence.

I have learned that…
Friendship was easier than love.

I have learned that…
Expressing yourself is one of the most difficult things I am facing.

I have learned that
It needs lot of courage to say “I am sorry” , “I love you”, “ I miss you” and to really mean it.

I have learned that…
For the fear of hurting others, I have hurt myself.

I have learned that…
I need to love myself more.

I have learned that…
I have my true friends who stand by me, though I did hurt them.

I have learned that…
I wont be here to write this, if my friends were not there to hold me.

I have learned that..
Handling my career life was easier than my personal life.

I have learned that…
People may not understand your pain, unless they have their own experience.

I have learned that …
talking was always easy, but keeping silent is a difficult task..

I have learned that…
I cannot live without someone that if I have to choose, I would choose to close my eyes than keeping it open to see others.

That Stranger I love..!

2009-06-30T18:52:00.002+05:30

Enthralling those moments we shared,
i thought it wil never end,
but for a moment of ignorance,
you made me a total stranger.

Here I am, like a kid in a crowd,
searching for a way,only to find dead ends.
I thought you will hold me, when I fall
but all I could see is a familiar face,
walking away from my view.
I wanted to share a million things,
but all i could hear was nothing but silence.

Finish the Lines....

2009-06-27T17:28:00.004+05:30

Saw this in Arv's Blog... liked it so much that I tagged myself ... ofcourse with Arv's permission..Thank u :)

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss..... will never happen.

2. I am listening to... O Sathi re (Omkara)

3. I talk... very less.

4. I love... my family & friends …

5. My best friends... are part of my life

6. My first real kiss... is yet to come.

7. Love is... what I am scared to accept, but unable to deny.

8. Marriage is... something that I am dread of, that I am running away from it everyday, almost every minute of my life.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... that I will be fine, with the passing time.

10. I'll always... try to be a better person with more expressions and less emotions

11. The last time I really cried was because... I missed someone.

12. My cell phone ... badly needs a break.

13. When I wake up in the morning... I think about you, and the number of days I have left with you.

14. Before I go to bed... I tell good night to you, and thank god for holding my hand, when I was falling

15. Right now I am thinking about... How I was, and how I am now, not able to relate

16. Babies are... best of Gods creation, who told angels are there only in heaven!

17. I miss... those days, when we smiled for no reason, laughed for every PJ, roam around carefree, enjoying every fights, listening to your stories … realizing it will never come again.

18. Today I... feel lost, hoping I will finally find my way.

19. Tomorrow I will be... somewhere; I know I don’t want to think about that tomorrow.

20. I really want to be... here with you pursuing the things that I love.

On a Rainy Day...!

2009-06-22T17:34:00.007+05:30

I just love this monsoon ....this weather, this place and my friends.

After a long time I was with T & A, chatting about everything and nothing, sipping a cup of coffee on a rainy day. I missed their company a lot, not that we were not seeing, but when ever we met I was so pre-occupied that I hated to spoil their mood too with my changing moods that I just preferred to stay alone. So this time it was like union after a long time, I just love them for what they are to me….

Its an awesome feeling, like I am back to life again, after weeks of uncertainty, finally I have an answer, and I am not regretting though I am scared to death. You cant every day break the rules that you follow, I didn’t break, I just didn’t allow others to take my life away from me. I am still feeling bad that I had to take a stand, I still feel bad that I might have hurt my father, I am just hoping that he will understand and will stand by what I believe and not the years old tradition and my relatives. He was more than happy when I send him bouquet on Father’s Day… I know he least expected that from me.... (But then i did made him smile..)

I am more delighted that finally monsoon is here to take away my tears; I don’t want to cry, not anymore. I am happier that I am can finally keep my feet down without fear, of expressing myself. I may have hurt some of my dear ones directly or indirectly, but thank God, they do understand me more than I thought……
Do I need to tell you one more reason why I love this monsoon rain…

Disclaimer : I took the pic from here .. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3228/2813614786_2d9f8ede51.jpg

Monsoon Rain..!!!

2009-06-12T18:13:00.012+05:30

I love the way rain hits earth with all its power, even poets have described its beauty.

monsoon has arrived in kerala, but here in Mumbai, I am still waiting. Monsoon rain always gives me nostalgic feeling, taking me back to my child hood,to best days of my life, leaving all tensions and worries. It always washed them away .

Grandpa’s house, monsoon hitting the sand, yelling out of the house along with cousins, just to soak myself , playing with water, till I get that first cough. Returning from school, hands put outside the bus window, raindrops starting to drip, feeling the coldness of water, later splashing at everyone sitting near me.

Uniform fully dirty with mud, face “with an I didn’t do anything look” hearing all the scolding of mom, still playing with that muddy water, overhearing moms complains “ ee nasham pidicha mazha”

First time feeling lost in life, walking alone, enjoying the solitude, , no one might have seen water driping down my face, the rain washed away everything, not giving a trace. Did I tell you why I love rain so much.

Now finally here, far away from the Monsoon and its beauty, I am waiting, who told I don’t love anyone, cant u see I’m madly in love with rain..!

Disclaimer : All the pics uploaded here, i got through google image search, so if any pic wants to be removed, please mail me.

Scribbling Ur Life..!!!

2009-06-04T19:26:00.005+05:30

Those doors are finally closed
After waiting for the rain n sun,
Didn’t I warn you, the sun will burn you out?
And rain will tear away your ashes
Alas! I had some more time
But you see, it was not my fault,
I would have stopped,
I would have waited ,
But I didn’t see you
I was so busy living my life
That I forgot to see through yours.

Strangers I Met..!

2009-05-27T18:23:00.004+05:30

There are some relations that goes for ever, relations which do not have a particular name, which started for no particular reason, but went on to become a part of our life like our own siblings or sometimes more than that.

My Play School Mate

I was crying and pulling my moms saree “nichu ponda” (don’t wanna go) I doubt whether someone heard that, and those ayas came and took me inside. I stood there in one corner stubborn as always, not wanting to play, till I saw that boy bringing me small bar of chocolate, my first friend, he went on to become my school friend. I know he would have been my best friend if I didn’t left that place when I was in 5th standard only to find him in face book years later. Life has changed so much and we were so different, but he still remembered ‘that girl’, and we had a thousand things to talk.

My School Friend

New place, new people, new language, everyone stared at me as much as I stared at them until a girl got bit guts to give me some space to sit next to her. She took special care in showing me her school, our school, we shared food, we studied together, she was always first to help me out. We were more than happy when we were 1st n 2nd in class. I liked her small hair as much as she loved my long. We were different in all the possible way, but we were friends, may be for a season, she had to go when her father went abroad, I heard from her for the next 2-3 months. I didn’t hear from her after that. Even I went from that place, thx to my parents job, I end up in my homeland. Now after so many years i searched for her, though still unknown.

My Best Friend

She was my friends friend, who always gave me a special attention, who always found time to talk to me though both of us had many more important friends .But of late I did realize that when I really need a ‘friend’ she will be the 1st person to be there, and that was it, she became my best friend, the sister that I didn’t had, someone who kept my secrets , someone who listened to me when I wanted to talk, someone who gave me great advices when I was confused, who gave best ideas when I was out of one, someone who fight with my parents when I had to go outside, our friendship didn’t end in school, we were college friends, our paths were different after that, but we were always a call away. She taught me how to be patient; she taught me life always brings you the best, even when you think your life is going in a bad pace. She taught me that it was always necessary to express as she thought I was always bad at expressing. I went for mba, to join my first job, she was not present, but she made sure she was always aware of what’s happening in my life. The best moment I don’t want to forget is her wedding day, I was happy that she is entering a new life and at the same time I was scared that her priorities are going to change. But reassured me by keeping my updates though she is miles away, I know this is one friendship that has seen all the changes, my school friend, who went to become my college, in fact friend for a life time.

Friends who made a Difference

Some friends I met, very close to my heart, dearest of all, but not my best friend, I always had a tough time defining what they are to me, coz they were close enough to be the best, but something stopped from being the best, they are people who taught me good lessons, people who changed my life, people who I will always remember just for the reason that coz of them I became a better person. It includes my MBA friends, people who showed a new way to see the life, to have a new outlook, to have a big horizon. They taught me to think big and act accordingly. They taught me to be focused on my life. They taught me I should enjoy the life’s journey rather than going behind small problems. They made me enjoy my last college days to the fullest, n of course those friends will be there all the time, n thanks to them, now I have atleast one friend across every nook and corner of the world.
Then there are people I met newly, in a totally new unknown place, starting from the basics, who taught me how small things make a big difference in our life, how it can change. People who taught me saying sorry is not a big thing, its just that it really needs some guts, more importantly its not about saying something, its about whether you really mean it or not. Then there are people who taught me to express myself, who taught me to be more human than devilish. People who taught me its not a crime to love someone, as long as u mean it and do it from your heart, they also taught me love really never affects friendship, though we think it does. They changed my world without changing me, they accepted n appreciated me and scolded me when I am wrong, without hurting me.

The people I mentioned here are those who are and will always be a part of my life, loving me unconditionally and I am proud of having them as my friends.

Edited to Add :- IHM awarded me 3 awrads including the creative blogger n lovely blogger awards, thz a lot IHM.

Let me close my eyes...

2009-05-08T17:28:00.002+05:30

Its all so calm and peaceful, I should have cried and screamed, but then I remembered,

you should never cry, but I couldn’t help those tears coming out..

For the first time I think, I did something right by opening up my mind and damn it,

I am not regretting for what I did, though its not about all those happy endings..
I should fight for it, I should break those rules,

I didn’t..She asked me, what I want, I thought, bt then finally I was left with no answer,

I don’t know. I know, that’s not what she wanted to hear.
Let you decide how my life should be, but for now, leave me in peace, let me close my eyes...
I don’t want you to read them...

Things that make life Special for no reason...!

2009-04-27T18:27:00.003+05:30

Its quite astonishing, but not everyday you watch these things and laugh at its sheer innocence. Don’t know why its special, but it is for some good reason unknown to us now. We three gals me, M nd J, didn’t have any idea why we did that, but we are quite proud of what we did some 4 yrs back.

We met Sita (M gave that name, as we didn’t knew her name) in one of journeys to ICWA classes. She was there in the bus stop looking at us with her curious eyes and she stood there when we returned from classes, I think she was hardly 10yrs that time, we didn’t made much fuzz of it thinking what a small girl like her is doing in that bus stop for such a long time. It was J's initiative, after some shopkeeper there remarked that this girl is roaming around that areas for the last 2-3 days that we though we should call the NGO we knew through one of our friend. We didn’t had any whereabouts about the girl and after a through medical check-up we came to know that she cant talk(doctor even told us, she was not by birth.). May be bcoz we took the initiative we had to go through some headaches including police (the processes anyone have to face if they try to do something good). We girls in our twenties were not so sure whether we should do anything more or just leave the place. The whole atmosphere was actually was making me feel like I should immediately leave the place and should never come back again.

But against our wishes, though we left the place, we went there again after a week, coz we were actually feeling guilty to disappear that way. She was in good health (she was actually looking like human) and those curious eyes were looking more good in her current shape, she gave us a sweet smile reminding us that she didn’t forget us yet. That time we went with a small box of chocolate, we didn’t knew what exactly were her needs. It was again J’s idea to sponsor her, and like blind supporters me and M followed her. Initially it started with 300-500 each depending on how much we can save from our pocket money. As our pocket money increased our we pooled more. It was more than enough for her small needs as that NGO also gave support in the way of food and education, we were just taking care of her other needs.

We three got our jobs, got more busy with life,J and M got married and moved further away, but made sure that we do send what was required and at times calls to Chennai, just to make sure that she is fine, we do have a wish of hearing her voice someday, don’t know when, but for the time being we are happy hearing from her Ayas that she is fine and she pretty intelligent student. We don’t know how long we will do this, we do not feel it’s a great thing, but we are happy in someway that we did something when the rest were just watching. Like J always say small deeds matters more than the words you say…A silent deed can b sometimes powerful than a thousand words...

PS:- I do have two tags to finish, i have been tagged by two ppl, i wil post that next

100 Truths About Me..!!!

2009-04-16T17:20:00.006+05:30

Open Tag of Dewdrops , Sounded pretty interesting...

So Here Goes...........

LAST TIMES…
1. Last beverage: Coffee
2. Last phone call: My father
3. Last text message: from My friend Deep.
4. Last song you listened to: Masakali (Delhi 6)
5. Last time you cried: Two weeks back ( after a long time, i am terrible at it, so never again will do that)

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. Dated someone twice: Nope..
7. Been cheated on? : No
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Errr... Nooo......
9. Lost someone special? Not really, bt lost someone very close...
10. Been depressed? Yeah.. may b, in a smal way
11. Been drunk and threw up? Never :)

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black
13. Pink
14. White
15. Blue

FIRSTS :
16. Made new friends: Yes
17. Fallen out of love: No
18. Laughed until you cried: Tonnes of times!!!
19. Met someone who changed you: Yes...!!!!! (changed my outlook.. to be exact)
20. Found out who your true friends were: Yes........ and veryyyyyyyyyy proud to know
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes.... (Hmm.. pretty surprising... u knw)

HAVE YOU:

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Nooo
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: I dnt know most of them in
my real life.. than my frnds who read the blog n go without commenting (lazyy ppl)
24. How many kids do you want to have: One... may b Two :)
25. Do you have any pets: I had a Labrador... (still miss him a lot...... such a cutyy pie)
26. Do you want to change your name: No... I love it..
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Spent time watching movie n a dinner with my
sweeet pals.. (cant forget the surprices that T n A gave that day.
28.What time did you wake up today: 7.30 a.m.. (my miad was ringing the bell like hell)
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: hearing music, writing SMS
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for : Go to one place ( its my small wish)
31. Last time you saw your father: 23 days back... :) (went home last month)
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Bit more expressive... may b
33. Most visited web page: My blog :) / Facebook / GMail

WHAT'S YOUR :

34. Name: :) Devil
35. Nicknames: Ummm... lotttttttttt..... of names
36. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius, i am more a leo according to many ppl, leo being my moon sign.
37. Male or female or transgender : Female
38. Elementary: Some schools across the country... been to 2-3 schools, thnx my fathers job.
39. Colleges: Yes... one of the best in kerala... n hyd
40. Hair color: Black
41. Long or short: Shoulder-length
42. Height: Bit above 5
43. Do you have a crush on someone? not reallyyyyyyyy a crush... no i dnt think so...
44. Ever been in love? I am still trying to figure out
45. Piercings? Pierced ears
46. Tattoos? No
47. Righty or lefty: Righty..............( pretty gud with left hand, if i wanna attcak smeone :).....)
48. First surgery: None.........thnk god
49. First piercing: At the age of 2 I guess.... may b even before that.
50. First best friend: Madhu, (i had a frnd before that, bt even realising, that my best frnd, i lost,
due to fate)
51. First sport you loved: and still love - shuttle badminton (was pretty good at one point of
time)
52. First pet : A doggy named 'Johnson', when i was a kid ( i never saw such a caring animal in
my entire life)
53. First vacation: Dont remember really, i think it was to bangalore
54. First concert: Carnatic music concert of Dr.Balamurali Krishna (my father still says, he was
surprised to see a baby listening to carnatic music like that)
55. First crush : I think Matt Damon, :) ,
56. Eating: Nothing right now
57. Drinking: Nothing now
58. I'm about to: Check my gmail, its been 2days since i checked it.
59. Listening to: Dil Gira (Delhi 6)
60. Waiting for: My brother's call

YOUR FUTURE

61. Want kids? Yes, ofcourse
62. Want to get married? Yeh sure.......... the question is When? n to Whom?
63. Careers in mind? management ofcourse, (start a business later on, something is actually
going in my mind for a long time... let c)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes
65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs...may b
66. Shorter or taller: Taller definitely
67. Older or Younger: Older
68. Romantic or spontaneous: Both..!!!
69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice Arms
70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
72. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger: Nope....Never
74. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't use either
76. Broken some one's heart: Dnt know
77. Had your own heart broken: Not till nw......
78. Been arrested: Nope
79. Turned someone down: Yess
80. Cried when someone died: Yes, once.
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? Hmm i love all my frnds

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: Yes... Completely ... quite blindly
82. Miracles: Yes, it keeps happening at the most unexpected time..
83. God: Yes
84. Love at first sight: No....!
85. Heaven: Havnt really thought abt that...
86. Santa Claus: Yes.. i love that concept
87. Kiss on the first date? Well........ No
88. Angels: Yes... always around me ... in the name of friends
89. Devils: Yes... :) I am the big one

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Dont know actualy.. may b Yes
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Never..
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Yes (someone is already coming in my mind)
93. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? NONE !
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Yes......... bt didnt actualy regret :)
95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? : NEVER

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR :

96. White: Top
97. Black: Jeans
98. Red: the that saree my father gifted
99. Pink: my favourite kurta
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Yes. :)

I am not tagging any one in particular.......... so anyone can take.. :)

My Weekend Dramas...!

2009-04-13T16:21:00.001+05:30

Summer in Mumbai is really getting worse. These days going out during day time is like next to impossible, specially during sundays. I am almost sleeping off my sundays, just coz my friends are not ready to go out during this time (well even i dont). On the other day I was planning for a Matheran journey, but then cancelled at the last moment due to the same problem.

Thank God..!! that i have some 3-4 malls near by, atleast i can hang out there in the evening.These days even the security started recognising my face.More worst is that the only place i visit regularly is CCD. My friends are already calling me CCD's brand ambassader though they recently upgraded me to be a coffee addict. The only good time is that i can go for bowling in the evening (i am finally improving u know... i can c atleast some numbers in the score board from zero)

Dont know whether i was angry towards the world or to myself, i just stopped eating the regular food and started a fruit diet for 10 days.I thought that was an impossible task, but now even i am surpriced by my own act, as i successfully completed 9 days........ Gud na.. I was just checking myself, n good to see that i wouldnt have much worries even if i did this for the next 20 days...
I know there is nothing like "impossible" in my dictionary, but then there should be always something exciting to do, otherwise life will be like a movie without emotions...

Last week, i watched fast n furious-4, i should tell you that it was a damn good movie,it was just looking like a sequel tp part-1. I enjoyed every bit of it. My friends A n T were there with me, T being a first time watcher of the movie couldnt enjoy much, but she says she liked it and A was so much into the movie that at point i got doubt whether he forgot to respond to people.. All together it was a great watch. I put a new record by eating Mc puff, potatoe wedges n hot chocolate in a span of 5 mins from McD before the movie. I just forgot that there only 5mins for the movie to begin n had to something fast. Never in my life i ate that fast, but i promised myself that i wont do that stunt again as it was creating a severe stomach pain n ofcourse my hunger was still there.

In between all these i had this feeling that i am changing, i had to re-check.. Am I? but no...Thank God, I am not, (i really dont want to). I am the way i am....Accept it....or... Back Off..

Tomorrows..!!!

2009-04-04T17:27:00.001+05:30

'Emotions flowing like a river,
dont keep it to reach the sea,
for then you wont even know,
Was it a feeling of love or rage'

That girl was listening to Ammalu as she spoke every word. Did she really understood what she meant, i doubt..... though i really dont know..

Ammalu sounded very much convincing like always. That girl might b wondering how Ammalu comes to know everything, even before she speaks out. She always wondered about this and it always remained a mystery. This time Ammalu is particularly on a verge to change the girl, she was trying the same thing for the last many yrs, this time also the result might be same.
Ammalu was planning for a long journey, so she wanted the girl to be ready to face any situation in Ammalu's absence. This time if she made any mistake she was sure that she wont b able to correct it.

"You should speak out, you know", I cant stand these silence. Girl was not in a mood to respond, so Ammalu had to tel again, "listen da, its not that you think, you know it wont work like this.
That girl was thinking the same thing, didnt I tell you that this wont work.

This has happened before, but ammalu always read her silence, this time even she was impatient, she finally gave up. She was feeling bad, tears were coming, Ammalu became silent as she knew there is nothing else they can talk.

May b that girl got the vibes, though she was not looking at Ammalu's face, she started speaking... finally. "I know, this is not correct", "i will decide something soon", "Dont worry, i wont dissappoint u". "Its all a matter of time, i will be fine, you see tomorrow". Ammalu also knew that she will be fine tomorrow, she was worried about that only, Coz she didnt knew when that tomorrow is going to come.

Journey to Home...!!!

2009-03-28T12:17:00.002+05:30

Back from home, with lot of memories... some may stay for a life time, though some may fade away, it doesnt matter, coz this journey was special for it was not just a visit to home, it was something more than that.

I had my best friends' wedding to attend. There is lot of joy and happiness to see ur best pal getting married (She was looking at her best..!!! TOUCHWOOD) and entering to a new life, and there little sadness and pain that there are more important things coming in her life than this friendship, though we will be same always. But yes! like one of good friend told, its all part of life..... its time to Move On...

I always used to wonder "Moving On" was not so simple as said, infact sometimes it needed us to change our self in fear of hurting ourselves.Though i have heard that time does heal things, i have realised many times that, it doesnt really heal, we just keep these things in our inner memory when we have more important things to worry about, and it does hurt the same way, when we think about it, even if its after years. Specially death of our dear and near ones, i do see my mom crying everytime she talks about my granny who died 10 yrs ago.

This time i was more than happy to see my grandpa. I was seeing him after longgg 2yrs. Ageing couldnt really change him as a person, but he was looking tired, like a shadow of what he actually was. But that strong voice remained there like ever, in that weak body. I could read from his face that he was relaxed to see me, may be he thought i wont come, dnt know.
We talked as usual, about my job, my place, my friends, everything that connected me to the world. He wanted to talk a lot, but then his health didnt allow,he was happy to see me, and i was happy to see him.

Life teaches us things in its most unusual way, sometimes we do ignore and sometimes it doesnt really give a chance to ignore. But all that really matters is that you finally learned the lesson.

This time it was more than seeing your dear ones and staying at home, it actually give me a chance to think, about many things, and to decide which path i should take...given me a chance to know myself more..

Random Thoughts....!!!!!

2009-02-12T17:47:00.001+05:30

Hey, You are changing...!!! I wondered from which side, but then i couldnt stop thinking about what my cousin told. He knows me for a long time, so when he telling this, i am sure there is something that made him say that. I dont want to change, i am not telling that i am that "perfect 10 " kind of person, but then i love the way i am, that i dont want to change anything, just stay like this untill I feel 'its time to change'.

These days i think i am enjoying being myself so much that i get bored when i am with others. Not that they are boring people, infact my friends are the best things ever happened to me, but then attimes everyone need some space, just to think about whats happening in their life.I do think a lot these days about what i really want in life, i cant tell that i want to b more career oriented, coz i think already many people are telling me (that i am a workaholic..!!!) to think about things other than my career.

I am going home in March, after a long long time, there is a great deal of excitement, but then cant really tell that i am happy, the only thing i am excited is that i can stay at home and meet my parents and grandpa. My best friend's wedding is also coming near. But at the same time there is this odd feeling , dont know exactly what, which scares me.

I am thinking about starting my photgraphy lessons again, not that i am a great one, but i guess i was not bad. May b a nikon cam can work wonders with me (or the other way around), though for the time being i have to be happy with my Olymbus one.

Well Valentines Day is coming near, this time i dont know with whom i will celebrate as all my friends are committed now, and they are thinking about something quite. Well i wont b really 'Celebrating', will explore the city alone sipping a cup of coffee. My best friend 'M' expected that atleast this year i will not be alone, Sorry dear, u will be dissappointed this year also. Good things can wait for some more time...........!!!
Well i am getting more attached to Some People than i thought, i guess i need to start keeping some distance, dont have a clue HOW, but i guess thats better. But then at the end i will get hurt coz these days i am so habituated with them.

That Tamarind Tree in My Home Backyard...

2009-02-03T16:57:00.000+05:30

..finally fall..! well not really a great thing to tell, but then its not just a simple thing to forget just like that. I have spend some of my best days there, hanging around playing hide and seek, sitting in its shades, thinking about all those things i want to do when i become BIG (nw i really wish if i were not), looking at sky at the sight of aeroplane, till it fades away, having tamarind with salt, and laughing at its bitter taste,and at times sleeping there itself in its shades, if noone find me. I always thought it as a giant tree that will never fall, i thought it will stay for another 100 yrs like those gigantic trees described in stories.

But then one day its day also come, giving a huge space of its absence. I dont know why i am telling this here, there is a feeling like, you lost something which you had known for a long time. Like you lost someone who could write a book on your entire childhood.Life is also like that, we meet so many faces, sometimes becoming a part of our life and then one day it just go away, as if it was never important, making us realise their value only in their absence.

I do miss my childhood at times, mostly bcoz of the freedom i had and for all those adventures i had as a child. I never thought twice before telling or doing something. But now i have to plan myself, life was so easy.... think again..!!!

My Prayer for You....!!!

2008-12-24T14:14:00.000+05:30

Am i late, i hope not, but then i dont always get lucky to do the things i really want to do. I hope i am not getting selfish, that i forgot to do the things i need to do. My grandpa called me today, i was talking to him after pretty long time. I know he called me for no particular reason, but just to hear my voice, but then in the middle i could feel it, that he is getting emotional, even i was feeling like going to my hometown and meet him. God, its going to be such a long time since we last see each other. I know he is getting very old, my father told me once that he is having problem in walking, but then i dont know how i will react to it, when i meet him, for he was always my strong man.

I was more attached to my grandpa, may be bcoz, he was the one who was there all the time during my childhood days. Being a teacher, he was strict, his kids were always scared of him, i never heard anyone talking in a loud voice in front of him. My case was different, i always saw the other side of his life, as a loving & caring grandpa, he was more like a friend who played with me, told short stories and poems, taught me those sanskrit chants and verses which others thought tough. When i went for my higher studies, he didnt get emotional, he was sure that i will be there for onam and vishu and waited for me with new dresses for me. I always tried to make sure i was there, but then i guess i broke that also.I know he may be hurt, but he may not show . He never really showed his emotional part, may be thats why my father is also that way. But then i saw tears in his eyes once, just once, when grandma left him. But everyone was too busy controlling their emotions that noone really noticed it.

Whenever i went to my tharavadu to see my grandpa, there was always a visitor, sometimes his students, his old collegues, relatives, people who wanted to get a piece of advise from him. He was always curious to know about whats happening in my life, how my studies are going etc.There was his magnificent personality which i always admired, i always looked at him, just the way my father did, coz we knew we didnt need any other role mode. When i go home, i used to make sure that i will go to my grandpa's house also. But then many times i was not able to, and it end up as mere phone calls. Many a times i felt that its not just any call, it was like he was waiting for those calls, eager to hear my voice, happy to know about all the good things happening in my life. He was curious to hear about the places i visited, the friends that i made.
When we finish talking, he used to remind me, "dont forget to call me", and i always used to assure him that i will call him again, but then that assurence in words didnt always get into actions.

Its going to be more than 2yrs since i saw him last, i always wanted to go and meet him, but never really get those holidays. In between lot of things happened, i got my job and got more busier than i expected, changing places became an ordinary thing that , it didnt amuse me anymore. Graudually the calls reduced to those made on onam and vishu, still he reminded me "dont forget to call me".But i forgot, and today he gave a call to remind me, that he is still there expecting my calls, wanting to hear my voice, my stories, my problems, my success, everything. His voice was not smooth as usual, it was shaking at times, he repeated his words again and again. Emotions were flowing, i think at one point he cried, bcoz none of his grand children were nearby, well even i was not nearby.

I promised him that i will be coming to see him before vishu. But he was doubtful, he just told me he is weak, but i understood what he exactly meant. I never heard him saying that before, i wanted to cry, bcoz, i dont want him to be that way, i dont want to think that he is getting old. This time when i go home, i want to meet my grandpa, its not bcoz of the promise that i made, but its bcoz, i know someone is eagerly waiting , looking outside, my tharavadu, seeing whether any car is coming that way, with those familier faces of his grand children in memory. And i dont want to dissappoint him. Its not just a hope, its a prayer i am having, i hope i wont be late....

Things I want to do before I Die..

2008-12-09T15:03:00.000+05:30

I was watching Dusvidaniya on the other day. It was a different movie someway, it touched for its simplicity and the most interesting thing i saw was that the guy died peacefully without making much fuss and he died a happy man, doing what ever things he wanted to do in life. So when i was talking to my friend M about this movie, she throw me the question "what are those 10 things you want to do before you die?". Being a person, taking my life the way it comes, i was quite unplanned to answer it, and my goody goody friends were ready with their 10s.

So i had to think and think again, wt are the 10 most important things i want to do. Till now i hadnt thought abt anything other than my job, so again thinking abt other things made me quite mad untill i finally noted down, those 10 things.

Here it goes :

Take my parents to a foreign trip to Netherlands (it happens to be my favourite place)
To write a book. (Infact i am on process for the last some time, god knws when it will finish, the pace its going now, i think it will take another 15-20yrs)
To gift my brother a BMW. (I dont know WHYYYY, this car, bt he simply loves it SO!)
To perform dance in Khajuraho ( I stopped dancing 5yrs back, bt still cherishes to start it again some day, i know its a long way to go, bt then its MY small wish)
To visit an old friend of mine who happen to be my close friend (once). (I should forgive ppl for their mistakes, coz even i do mistakes......... i really doubt whether i will do this thing, currently i am not planning actually, bt then someday i hav to)
Build my dream riverside house, specifically in habitat model (I knw, this is bit far too beyond my current capacity, bt i hav started saving a bit for that)
Stay at my home atleast one month. (Well its been a long time since i have gone home, moreover i never got a chance to stay in my house for more than a week for the last 3-4 yrs, pretty attached)
Talk openly about me. (This never happened before, for i keep my small things to myself, well some day i would like to share it, now my otherside is totally unknown to the world,may b if i get a good listner)
Tell someone that i really like you or more than that. (This needs bit guts,and ofcourse i hasnt found 'the one' yet and the way things are going now, i think i will die mostly without telling those words)
Finally to die seeing the people i love who are close to my heart, without hurting them and without hurting me.

Whooooooooooop.....!!!!!! finally i did it. I know those 10 things are not so great, bt then its close to my heart, coz i took hell lot of time to decide those.

C'mon i am not going to die now, so whn that time comes, i thought i will decide. Well now as i hav decided things already, i guess i can start figuring out how to do it. So wt u wanna do???? :)

As My City Burns....

2008-11-29T11:59:00.000+05:30

I am alive, I cant still believe that I am among those lucky ones who missed the whole incident by mere luck. But like any other Mumbai resident, it will take time for me to come in terms that Mumbai had to face such a terror.

I love this city like any other person from outside and this city has absorbed me with my culture and values. This is the speciality of Mumbai and you wont find this in any other city in india. I was never scared to go out, whether its day or night, bcoz i knew in Mumbai I am safe, nothi9ng is gonna harm me here. But now i have to think twice.

Our spirits are high and our life will be normal again soon, though the marks will be there forever. And if anyone in the world think, this will take our spirits , they are wrong, bcoz we are more united now than ever. But then every time i go to CST, i will think in horror, about the Nov 26th. Everytime I see Taj, i will remember what all incidents this monument have witnessed and survived.

While i write this, the entire thing was almost over except in Taj. I was wondering how well planned these people are, and the face of terror (in black t-shirt) was shocking making me think this small boy is able to do this all. How so much rage got into such an young boy. The fighting was still on in Taj with the terrorist showing no sign to surrender. Well all i pray is noone should have such an experiance which all those hostages and their families had to go through.

Lets not talk about the intelligence failure and Why the govt took so much time to call the NSG?

I am still wondering why the hell our govt is so scared to take strong actions against the incidents. Are they too weak ? I dont think our PM's small speech is an answer for all the questions. Just wondering when will they realise, they need to work on terrorism more aggresively with more actions rather than wasting their time in giving speeches.

The commandos did a great job and thats all that matters though they lost some of their best people. May the souls of those died in this tragedy may rest in peace.

She...!

2008-11-26T10:55:00.000+05:30

She was one of those girls, who sticked to the good old principles and rules which she learned as a child. She was not following them blindly, she had the option to choose what she like, but she just believed that what she does is right. She was never scared of cities as she was born in one. But then when she was given the choice of working in a metro or staying at home. She decided to choose the former, though she didnt liked the crowded big metros. Bcoz she thought, to be successfull, one should be independent, and staying with parents will never really make you independent to face the world.

Her relatives told her, "you are doing a mistake". She just corrected them by saying " not as long as i believe my decision is the right one". Later Her relatives had to tell Her parents "your daughter choose the best".

But staying alone in a metro was not easy. It was always the hard way. She knew how to say "NO" better than any one else, and she was least bothered what effects it might have. She was not really fascinated by the fast life and the freedom and security , the new city gave. She didnt wanted to try any thing new just bcoz her friend told her, "You should experiance everything". She thought thats the best way to convince one's temptations by putting it "experiance".

I have seen HER in many places. While travelling in train, She used to ask my how to go to a particular place. She used to see new things with that fascinating eyes. She asked me whats "enigma" and "poison", when i asked Her, "You wanna come with us?". I have seen her in coffee shops, sipping a hot cup of coffee and talking to her father on "her experiances in the new place". I have seen her in my office with that rare passion to do the work. I never saw her crying, nor i saw her getting down for the worst things possible. She was calm most of the time and she was not bothered about others around her. She knew that, She is there alone in a city, away from her parents, to achieve something. She knew that she will never dissappoint her parents. I have seen those ambitious innocent eyes and I realised I was like Her once. The only difference is that i just forgot my principles and she hold on to it.

Of late.. I tell U..!

2008-11-18T16:32:00.000+05:30

I just finished reading one of the beautiful books i have read in my entire life, "Tuesday with morris". Though many of my friends told me that its a great book, not untill today, untill i finished it, i could say, yes! THEY ARE RIGHT. I dont know whether this book taught me something. But yes, it gives me a chance to think again, about all those things and moments which i better like to keep alone to me. May be it give me chance to look back and see how my life is and how miserable i feel at times for the way I am now, and at the same time how I become such a hard hearted, practical, rational fellow.

It is good as long as you accept the way you are. But things get bad, when you see someone, and wish, it would have been nice if i were able to express like them. I remembered my friend which i lost during my school days. I also realised how much it still hurts .I should have cried that time and told my father that i am feeling very bad. When i lost a friend again, it didnt hurt, i just knew that she will be happy up there. But now i realise, i should have been there with her sharing her pain. I didnt, coz i was scared of cancer, i was scared of seeing people die and i was scared of people going away from me. So i just ignored it as if she didnt matter to me.

I didnt allow people to be too caring to me, as i felt i wont be the same to them. I didnt made much close friends as i was scared one day they will leave me. I didnt allow people to come close to me as i thought they will hurt me one day. I was rude to people who loved me, coz i was scared that their love will fade away one day. I never shared my sorrows as i thought world doesnt really care for it. I stopped doing all the things i loved bcoz, i didnt want to get habitual to it, to realise one day that i have to leave it. I stopped expressing my feelings, when people called me emotional.Finally i just stopped crying bcoz, i just realised its nothing more than a drop of water.

But then today, reading a book just made me think again that I am Wrong. Well i cant curse the book for making me feel that way. My best friend told me that she liked the other way around. My mother wanted me to talk to her more. A wellwisher wished atleast once i cried whole heartedly.Another friend asked me whether i have ever really loved someone. Well too many questions. But i think, i really think, i should be a better person. I should express myself. Its just that i needed a book to realise it.