Of late.. I tell U..!

I just finished reading one of the beautiful books i have read in my entire life, "Tuesday with morris". Though many of my friends told me that its a great book, not untill today, untill i finished it, i could say, yes! THEY ARE RIGHT. I dont know whether this book taught me something. But yes, it gives me a chance to think again, about all those things and moments which i better like to keep alone to me. May be it give me chance to look back and see how my life is and how miserable i feel at times for the way I am now, and at the same time how I become such a hard hearted, practical, rational fellow.

It is good as long as you accept the way you are. But things get bad, when you see someone, and wish, it would have been nice if i were able to express like them. I remembered my friend which i lost during my school days. I also realised how much it still hurts .I should have cried that time and told my father that i am feeling very bad. When i lost a friend again, it didnt hurt, i just knew that she will be happy up there. But now i realise, i should have been there with her sharing her pain. I didnt, coz i was scared of cancer, i was scared of seeing people die and i was scared of people going away from me. So i just ignored it as if she didnt matter to me.

I didnt allow people to be too caring to me, as i felt i wont be the same to them. I didnt made much close friends as i was scared one day they will leave me. I didnt allow people to come close to me as i thought they will hurt me one day. I was rude to people who loved me, coz i was scared that their love will fade away one day. I never shared my sorrows as i thought world doesnt really care for it. I stopped doing all the things i loved bcoz, i didnt want to get habitual to it, to realise one day that i have to leave it. I stopped expressing my feelings, when people called me emotional.Finally i just stopped crying bcoz, i just realised its nothing more than a drop of water.

But then today, reading a book just made me think again that I am Wrong. Well i cant curse the book for making me feel that way. My best friend told me that she liked the other way around. My mother wanted me to talk to her more. A wellwisher wished atleast once i cried whole heartedly.Another friend asked me whether i have ever really loved someone. Well too many questions. But i think, i really think, i should be a better person. I should express myself. Its just that i needed a book to realise it.