I Still Miss ..

Something’s never change, I used to think that as I get old my choices will change, I will be a different person. But then life has changed a lot, people have changed for better and worse. Sometimes I myself am not able to relate to what is happening around. Then I see that I haven’t moved on in many things, in my life...

Time is ticking, as I run to keep pace

Waking up every day at the same lane

Unsure where to move wishing

You hold my hand and show the way

But then time had left you behind long back

What am I waiting for, living in your memories?

That small little girl wearing frilled frock roaming around grandpa’s house without listening to her mom, with astonishing eyes is still a surprise for me. I wonder how she managed to roam alone in trees, wasn’t she scared of stranger, and well that girl is totally anonymous to me. How she managed to convince grandpa to make her little wood-house is still a secret. How she remembered each story told by grandpa, when I can’t even remember the last call on my mobile phone. When I look at the old and fragile person reading newspaper in the veranda, I wondered where I met this person before. I don’t know him, while my eyes searched for the one who used to eagerly wait for my visit with all the things that I like.

I know I have added more than thousand friends in my friends circle from the time I got my first friend. But there is not even a single day which goes by without thinking of him, someone I lost on the memory line by the end of school days. May be it was not just about doing homework together or playing together or going to school. Guess best friends were meant forever even in their absence. 

I don’t have a big memory of my kochu muthashan, my grandpa’s younger brother who never got married, who used to stay with my grandpa. But I do remember his big commanding voice; everyone was scared of that till he got a stroke and was bed ridden for another 2-3 months before his death.  He was very fond of me and when I went to grandpa’s place on that year’s vishu he wanted me to have lunch with him, but me being a kid, forgot about the whole thing and had lunch with my other cousins and went one playing with them. He had a stroke in the same evening and was rush to the hospital. He didn’t talk much on the way, than asking about me. I never breached a promise to anyone after that, just wish had I known that, that will be the last time I will see him.

My secret keeper, there is a reason why he got that name, he used to have this telepathic thing to know exactly what I’m thinking, let it be something good or bad, happy or sad, he knew it all. It didn’t matter whether it was about my little crush or some fight. Something he got just by listening to my voice, I thought he will be there for ever. R, V and me, quite known us three musketeers, during our last get-together, I was wondering about the busy schedules and how difficult it is getting to catch up with each other. He told me to chill, that he will be watching me. Now I know that no matter how much busy day it is I would always find time to talk to him. He will definitely be watching me, what I miss are those calls when I was sad, when I had a rough day, when I had happy news to share.