My Precious Little World !!!

Precious, you are my memories;

Those broken pieces of past

Let me savor you in me; coz’

Without you, my world is meaningless!

Some things never change, no matter how many years pass; some memories will always stay intact. Time is a bad healer; when you miss the people you are grown up with, the people you lost, even their pics look so vivid, like it was taken yesterday. Looking back the ones I miss the most would be R & V, my best friends, who make my little world.

I don’t know how one react to the loss of their best friends, the ones who stand by you at each step of life, backing you without any reason, your secret keepers, an undeniable part of your family. I miss them almost every day, but the most, when I’m confused and wishing someone sorted it, a good listener without yelling or giving a weird expression. It’s ultimately a feeling that someone is there, understanding and supporting you for anything and everything. It’s not like I don’t have great friends, I do, but somehow they could never replace my musketeers. That’s how we were known, three devilish kids of the block. When I meet my old friends, school friends, they wonder how to talk about the good old days without mentioning R & V. I see Papa purposefully avoiding talks about anything which will remind of them, like time is going to heal everything.

I have moved on in life, with new friends, new place, a gala time relishing making new memories and moments, but at the end of the day, looking back, its their faces that I remember the most. Like you haven’t really gone a long way, you still have some of your past left with you. R used to be my morning alarm, calling up every day in the morning to wake me up and to ensure that I started my chores. I have two alarms now to wake me up in the morning; still I get up late thinking 'why that idiot didn’t call'. Realizations always click a bit low. I don’t want to get rid of those memories; that will remain to be my precious little world. Life is different, but they do live in one corner of my heart, sealed to others!

I Still Miss ..

Something’s never change, I used to think that as I get old my choices will change, I will be a different person. But then life has changed a lot, people have changed for better and worse. Sometimes I myself am not able to relate to what is happening around. Then I see that I haven’t moved on in many things, in my life...

Time is ticking, as I run to keep pace

Waking up every day at the same lane

Unsure where to move wishing

You hold my hand and show the way

But then time had left you behind long back

What am I waiting for, living in your memories?

That small little girl wearing frilled frock roaming around grandpa’s house without listening to her mom, with astonishing eyes is still a surprise for me. I wonder how she managed to roam alone in trees, wasn’t she scared of stranger, and well that girl is totally anonymous to me. How she managed to convince grandpa to make her little wood-house is still a secret. How she remembered each story told by grandpa, when I can’t even remember the last call on my mobile phone. When I look at the old and fragile person reading newspaper in the veranda, I wondered where I met this person before. I don’t know him, while my eyes searched for the one who used to eagerly wait for my visit with all the things that I like.

I know I have added more than thousand friends in my friends circle from the time I got my first friend. But there is not even a single day which goes by without thinking of him, someone I lost on the memory line by the end of school days. May be it was not just about doing homework together or playing together or going to school. Guess best friends were meant forever even in their absence. 

I don’t have a big memory of my kochu muthashan, my grandpa’s younger brother who never got married, who used to stay with my grandpa. But I do remember his big commanding voice; everyone was scared of that till he got a stroke and was bed ridden for another 2-3 months before his death.  He was very fond of me and when I went to grandpa’s place on that year’s vishu he wanted me to have lunch with him, but me being a kid, forgot about the whole thing and had lunch with my other cousins and went one playing with them. He had a stroke in the same evening and was rush to the hospital. He didn’t talk much on the way, than asking about me. I never breached a promise to anyone after that, just wish had I known that, that will be the last time I will see him.

My secret keeper, there is a reason why he got that name, he used to have this telepathic thing to know exactly what I’m thinking, let it be something good or bad, happy or sad, he knew it all. It didn’t matter whether it was about my little crush or some fight. Something he got just by listening to my voice, I thought he will be there for ever. R, V and me, quite known us three musketeers, during our last get-together, I was wondering about the busy schedules and how difficult it is getting to catch up with each other. He told me to chill, that he will be watching me. Now I know that no matter how much busy day it is I would always find time to talk to him. He will definitely be watching me, what I miss are those calls when I was sad, when I had a rough day, when I had happy news to share.

Time... You Lost!

Time, the great healer, there you stand!

Like the warrior who lost the battle-

Unable to mend the broken soul

Oh! The pieces are crushed all way

With nothing left but imperfections

But I was meant to live with the odds

Though you took your precious time to seize

What a waste it has been, I knew it all the way!

 
Pic Courtesy - Deviantart.com

My Musketeers...

There is a numbness while writing this post, “Three Musketeers”, well that was my gang of three devils ready to do weirdest, funniest, adventures stuff, best people of my life always by me for anything and everything.  I lost V long back to cancer and R recently; i know  memories will always be there, but will not be replaced. The last SMS from R i received was more like a sign, “Hey watching you”. I still wait for your morning miss calls to wake me up.. though i know, there wont any, anymore...

Quite clueless I’m, I guess, now.  I will miss you a lot...

Oh! Scary life is, mocking at my fate;

As the mighty sun sets in the distant horizon;

Leaving me in solitude with the darkness;

Only to wake up every morning to see myself looking for sign;

Searching in every crowd hoping to see you back

Blaming the mighty for his cruelty; why me?

Unanswered questions and unheard prays;

Now it’s just me and my life

Wondering where to start again!

Forbidden Tears..!

When he took your hands looking at your eyes, smiling at you,

Did you know that your life will be changed forever?

The man in the altar and the one in coffin had the same smile

But this time she was taking his hands, forgotten to smile

While tears tumbledown like an uninvited guest!

My Last Breath..!!

 

Falling for you was so easy,


That I never realized, it will take my life away

Now I’m here fighting to my last breath

Holding, hoping to see you once again.



I could hear you footsteps,

I could hear you whisper my name-

Alas! It’s too late, as you pull me close –

Hugging me tight, trying to hold me back

Did it matter that I was already dying in your memory?

Coz’ I realized the moment, we were meant forever

Celebrating Your Grief

I don’t count my days anymore,

I know, I have no time left-

I am already dead, what left is a soulless body

You tried to bring me back; I did hear your voice

But you were too late, don’t you see –

I already started my journey

There is no come back now,

My heart is already in pieces, it’s not a puzzle -

To bring it back together

There are words left to say, but now

It’s just you and a world celebrating your grief