My Prayer for You....!!!

Am i late, i hope not, but then i dont always get lucky to do the things i really want to do. I hope i am not getting selfish, that i forgot to do the things i need to do. My grandpa called me today, i was talking to him after pretty long time. I know he called me for no particular reason, but just to hear my voice, but then in the middle i could feel it, that he is getting emotional, even i was feeling like going to my hometown and meet him. God, its going to be such a long time since we last see each other. I know he is getting very old, my father told me once that he is having problem in walking, but then i dont know how i will react to it, when i meet him, for he was always my strong man.


I was more attached to my grandpa, may be bcoz, he was the one who was there all the time during my childhood days. Being a teacher, he was strict, his kids were always scared of him, i never heard anyone talking in a loud voice in front of him. My case was different, i always saw the other side of his life, as a loving & caring grandpa, he was more like a friend who played with me, told short stories and poems, taught me those sanskrit chants and verses which others thought tough. When i went for my higher studies, he didnt get emotional, he was sure that i will be there for onam and vishu and waited for me with new dresses for me. I always tried to make sure i was there, but then i guess i broke that also.I know he may be hurt, but he may not show . He never really showed his emotional part, may be thats why my father is also that way. But then i saw tears in his eyes once, just once, when grandma left him. But everyone was too busy controlling their emotions that noone really noticed it.



Whenever i went to my tharavadu to see my grandpa, there was always a visitor, sometimes his students, his old collegues, relatives, people who wanted to get a piece of advise from him. He was always curious to know about whats happening in my life, how my studies are going etc.There was his magnificent personality which i always admired, i always looked at him, just the way my father did, coz we knew we didnt need any other role mode. When i go home, i used to make sure that i will go to my grandpa's house also. But then many times i was not able to, and it end up as mere phone calls. Many a times i felt that its not just any call, it was like he was waiting for those calls, eager to hear my voice, happy to know about all the good things happening in my life. He was curious to hear about the places i visited, the friends that i made.
When we finish talking, he used to remind me, "dont forget to call me", and i always used to assure him that i will call him again, but then that assurence in words didnt always get into actions.



Its going to be more than 2yrs since i saw him last, i always wanted to go and meet him, but never really get those holidays. In between lot of things happened, i got my job and got more busier than i expected, changing places became an ordinary thing that , it didnt amuse me anymore. Graudually the calls reduced to those made on onam and vishu, still he reminded me "dont forget to call me".But i forgot, and today he gave a call to remind me, that he is still there expecting my calls, wanting to hear my voice, my stories, my problems, my success, everything. His voice was not smooth as usual, it was shaking at times, he repeated his words again and again. Emotions were flowing, i think at one point he cried, bcoz none of his grand children were nearby, well even i was not nearby.


I promised him that i will be coming to see him before vishu. But he was doubtful, he just told me he is weak, but i understood what he exactly meant. I never heard him saying that before, i wanted to cry, bcoz, i dont want him to be that way, i dont want to think that he is getting old. This time when i go home, i want to meet my grandpa, its not bcoz of the promise that i made, but its bcoz, i know someone is eagerly waiting , looking outside, my tharavadu, seeing whether any car is coming that way, with those familier faces of his grand children in memory. And i dont want to dissappoint him. Its not just a hope, its a prayer i am having, i hope i wont be late....

Things I want to do before I Die..

I was watching Dusvidaniya on the other day. It was a different movie someway, it touched for its simplicity and the most interesting thing i saw was that the guy died peacefully without making much fuss and he died a happy man, doing what ever things he wanted to do in life. So when i was talking to my friend M about this movie, she throw me the question "what are those 10 things you want to do before you die?". Being a person, taking my life the way it comes, i was quite unplanned to answer it, and my goody goody friends were ready with their 10s.

So i had to think and think again, wt are the 10 most important things i want to do. Till now i hadnt thought abt anything other than my job, so again thinking abt other things made me quite mad untill i finally noted down, those 10 things.

Here it goes :

1. Take my parents to a foreign trip to Netherlands (it happens to be my favourite place)
2. To write a book. (Infact i am on process for the last some time, god knws when it will finish, the pace its going now, i think it will take another 15-20yrs)
3. To gift my brother a BMW. (I dont know WHYYYY, this car, bt he simply loves it SO!)
4. To perform dance in Khajuraho ( I stopped dancing 5yrs back, bt still cherishes to start it again some day, i know its a long way to go, bt then its MY small wish)
5. To visit an old friend of mine who happen to be my close friend (once). (I should forgive ppl for their mistakes, coz even i do mistakes......... i really doubt whether i will do this thing, currently i am not planning actually, bt then someday i hav to)
6. Build my dream riverside house, specifically in habitat model (I knw, this is bit far too beyond my current capacity, bt i hav started saving a bit for that)
7. Stay at my home atleast one month. (Well its been a long time since i have gone home, moreover i never got a chance to stay in my house for more than a week for the last 3-4 yrs, pretty attached)
8. Talk openly about me. (This never happened before, for i keep my small things to myself, well some day i would like to share it, now my otherside is totally unknown to the world,may b if i get a good listner)
9. Tell someone that i really like you or more than that. (This needs bit guts,and ofcourse i hasnt found 'the one' yet and the way things are going now, i think i will die mostly without telling those words)
10. Finally to die seeing the people i love who are close to my heart, without hurting them and without hurting me.

Whooooooooooop.....!!!!!! finally i did it. I know those 10 things are not so great, bt then its close to my heart, coz i took hell lot of time to decide those.

C'mon i am not going to die now, so whn that time comes, i thought i will decide. Well now as i hav decided things already, i guess i can start figuring out how to do it. So wt u wanna do???? :)

As My City Burns....

I am alive, I cant still believe that I am among those lucky ones who missed the whole incident by mere luck. But like any other Mumbai resident, it will take time for me to come in terms that Mumbai had to face such a terror.

I love this city like any other person from outside and this city has absorbed me with my culture and values. This is the speciality of Mumbai and you wont find this in any other city in india. I was never scared to go out, whether its day or night, bcoz i knew in Mumbai I am safe, nothi9ng is gonna harm me here. But now i have to think twice.

Our spirits are high and our life will be normal again soon, though the marks will be there forever. And if anyone in the world think, this will take our spirits , they are wrong, bcoz we are more united now than ever. But then every time i go to CST, i will think in horror, about the Nov 26th. Everytime I see Taj, i will remember what all incidents this monument have witnessed and survived.

While i write this, the entire thing was almost over except in Taj. I was wondering how well planned these people are, and the face of terror (in black t-shirt) was shocking making me think this small boy is able to do this all. How so much rage got into such an young boy. The fighting was still on in Taj with the terrorist showing no sign to surrender. Well all i pray is noone should have such an experiance which all those hostages and their families had to go through.

Lets not talk about the intelligence failure and Why the govt took so much time to call the NSG?

I am still wondering why the hell our govt is so scared to take strong actions against the incidents. Are they too weak ? I dont think our PM's small speech is an answer for all the questions. Just wondering when will they realise, they need to work on terrorism more aggresively with more actions rather than wasting their time in giving speeches.

The commandos did a great job and thats all that matters though they lost some of their best people. May the souls of those died in this tragedy may rest in peace.

She...!

She was one of those girls, who sticked to the good old principles and rules which she learned as a child. She was not following them blindly, she had the option to choose what she like, but she just believed that what she does is right. She was never scared of cities as she was born in one. But then when she was given the choice of working in a metro or staying at home. She decided to choose the former, though she didnt liked the crowded big metros. Bcoz she thought, to be successfull, one should be independent, and staying with parents will never really make you independent to face the world.


Her relatives told her, "you are doing a mistake". She just corrected them by saying " not as long as i believe my decision is the right one". Later Her relatives had to tell Her parents "your daughter choose the best".

But staying alone in a metro was not easy. It was always the hard way. She knew how to say "NO" better than any one else, and she was least bothered what effects it might have. She was not really fascinated by the fast life and the freedom and security , the new city gave. She didnt wanted to try any thing new just bcoz her friend told her, "You should experiance everything". She thought thats the best way to convince one's temptations by putting it "experiance".


I have seen HER in many places. While travelling in train, She used to ask my how to go to a particular place. She used to see new things with that fascinating eyes. She asked me whats "enigma" and "poison", when i asked Her, "You wanna come with us?". I have seen her in coffee shops, sipping a hot cup of coffee and talking to her father on "her experiances in the new place". I have seen her in my office with that rare passion to do the work. I never saw her crying, nor i saw her getting down for the worst things possible. She was calm most of the time and she was not bothered about others around her. She knew that, She is there alone in a city, away from her parents, to achieve something. She knew that she will never dissappoint her parents. I have seen those ambitious innocent eyes and I realised I was like Her once. The only difference is that i just forgot my principles and she hold on to it.

Of late.. I tell U..!

I just finished reading one of the beautiful books i have read in my entire life, "Tuesday with morris". Though many of my friends told me that its a great book, not untill today, untill i finished it, i could say, yes! THEY ARE RIGHT. I dont know whether this book taught me something. But yes, it gives me a chance to think again, about all those things and moments which i better like to keep alone to me. May be it give me chance to look back and see how my life is and how miserable i feel at times for the way I am now, and at the same time how I become such a hard hearted, practical, rational fellow.

It is good as long as you accept the way you are. But things get bad, when you see someone, and wish, it would have been nice if i were able to express like them. I remembered my friend which i lost during my school days. I also realised how much it still hurts .I should have cried that time and told my father that i am feeling very bad. When i lost a friend again, it didnt hurt, i just knew that she will be happy up there. But now i realise, i should have been there with her sharing her pain. I didnt, coz i was scared of cancer, i was scared of seeing people die and i was scared of people going away from me. So i just ignored it as if she didnt matter to me.

I didnt allow people to be too caring to me, as i felt i wont be the same to them. I didnt made much close friends as i was scared one day they will leave me. I didnt allow people to come close to me as i thought they will hurt me one day. I was rude to people who loved me, coz i was scared that their love will fade away one day. I never shared my sorrows as i thought world doesnt really care for it. I stopped doing all the things i loved bcoz, i didnt want to get habitual to it, to realise one day that i have to leave it. I stopped expressing my feelings, when people called me emotional.Finally i just stopped crying bcoz, i just realised its nothing more than a drop of water.

But then today, reading a book just made me think again that I am Wrong. Well i cant curse the book for making me feel that way. My best friend told me that she liked the other way around. My mother wanted me to talk to her more. A wellwisher wished atleast once i cried whole heartedly.Another friend asked me whether i have ever really loved someone. Well too many questions. But i think, i really think, i should be a better person. I should express myself. Its just that i needed a book to realise it.

Unity

I know Indians are very patriotic people and they have shown their unity and togetherness during many hard times. But being a Y-Generation representative I always thought that these days, the companies and 'MANY GREAT PEOPLE' have commercialised this unity. But many instances including my visits to movie halls have changed my opinion on that, making me proud that I am an Indian.

I dont know who introduced this idea, but playing our national anthem before a movie starts, turned out to be really successful one, as every person is truely responding to it. As the anthem 'Jana Gana Mana' starts, i have seen each every person in the hall, standing up and giving full respect to the anthem. I saw faith in each person movements, and the emotion of being an indian, whether its knowingly or unknowingly. But dont you think these are some of those small movements, which makes us proud of being together to be 'Indians. :) Well I am.

Mr Murphy......Not again..!!!

Well i am not so glad to tell u that I am one of those rare species who believes in Mr.Murphy and his power. Some how these days he pops up from somewhere to make my days horrorfull. But this Diwali time was unusually dreadfull for me with Mr.Murphy acting full throttle.

Me and my friends were happily staying in our new apartment, and someone started banging heavily in the door making us wonder who (the hell) came at this late hour. I should tell u that getting a good apartment for less rent in mumbai will be like a dream come true which i was enjoying fully at that point of time.

My friend opened the door, only to get shocked for the next some hours. Two aunties were standing outside like two pillers escorted by my sweet security guard. For sometime i didnt understand anything other than my friends cry. But YES!!! finally i got the clue of whats happening. As soon as my friend opened the door, one of the aunty-GY's told her " This is MY FLAT, YOU HAVE TO VACATE THIS BY TOMORROW MORNING" , and as soon as aunty told this, my friend moved back in horror and started crying. And other two of us still wondered "Did she tell "VACATING".

We showed all the relevent documents which truelly mentions that " We have the right to stay here" But auntyji was soo fully into talking ( well sort of shouting i guess) that she had no time to listen to us. Even our neighbours starting coming ( that was the time i realised that other people also exist in my floor) finally making us understand that "its owners wife". They were getting separated and the court verdict came on auntyji's favour to own the so called "HOUSE". So that why she wanted us to move.

Being a veryyyyyy heartless fellow, not even a single drop of tear came from my eyes nor my other friends eyes, making aunty thinking "why these people are not worried". But my other friend cried so much, making aunty realise that she is going to do a big mistake if she is taking us out.
All went well finally, with aunty allowing us to stay (BUT WE SHIFTED THE NEXT WEEK) in a disputable property. We nice people called our broker the same night and made sure that we got a new apartment the next day without anymore investment.

:) All really went well, making me enjoy the luxury again (without anymore dispute). But my diwali went half celebrated with the rest half being given for house shifting. And trust me guys these are the time i loveeee Mr.Murphy, atleast he makes it right after doing all the wrong things.
But i am still wondering how uncleji survived with that lady...........!!!