I Have Learned.. One More Year Acheived !

I have learned that…

Prayers are always answered, though not always the way you want.

Life is intriguingly tough & surprisingly ruthless, but it will never leave you, so long as you hold on.

We always have choices though we end up taking the wrong ones, while craving for the other.

Every person you meet will teach you a lesson, its up to you, to learn from the pain & heartbreaks, or to learn the passion & compassion.

Ignoring a person doesn’t mean, they don’t exist, in actual you might be thinking more than often.

Its easy to ignore your emotions, till you meet someone who can read your silence.

Laughing out is easy; crying from heart is a messy business.

Future is scary, but Your Today was Your Yesterday’s Future.

Special days & special times won’t always come, though we wish happy times come more often & sad times end like a bad dream. The world celebrated & talked about 12.12.12 with all its élan. While I celebrated my b'day with my small bunch of special people. Looking back I don’t see much regrets,  Did learn to take life as it comes? I would miss some people, but guess God had decided better plans for them with him. Looking forward I would need to learn to explain what I feel and listen to my heart, I dont see that happening in the near future though I promised someone that I would work on it. Christmas & New Year is round the corner, the best days of the season, it can never go wrong :)

Picture Courtesy - Deviantart.com

Times Ahead, Without You !

Times of days lost & nights blue

When life seems falling apart

 With the roads derailed taking dead ends

I stay, looking ahead at the distant horizon

Wondering, was I meant to go this way

Wishing you was there to walk beside

Wouldn’t have mattered the life & path

As long as you were there till the end!

Silence replaces once long conversations

When lot have been left unsaid, unheard

When pain becomes just another emotion

As tears wonder to drop down or to dry out

I wish, the time had turned once for me

So I could go back & erase those moments

When life had left me alone taking you away

Wishing I had stopped, but my voice confined, heard by none!

Looking back i realize i loved certain places not for their beauty & spirit but for the reason that they give me the best people i know, if i miss something, its their absence the most! Many of them have left behind with time leaving memories for a life time...

The last person i had with the colorful memories of my childhood was my Grandpa, i lost him last month. Life goes on with new people, new places, but i do feel most of the times that I'm at the wrong place with the wrong people. People would always be missed, though at times you try to ignore the pinch & pain!

Walk with The Stranger !

 

Have I realized your existence so lately

As I looked into veiled expression of the stranger-

Was it passive or rigid, how could I know!

Memories flooded leaving imprints or was it my illusion

Looking into those eyes for some acquaintance

Alas! I was as wrong as reality struck hard

I got lost again with thoughts reverberating leave alone.

Tears trickle down silently as I stood and walked away

Wondering all the way why I was there,

I looked behind to see you still there,

But you were gone already leaving the puzzles

Shattering a dream, the one was all mine!

Just relocated to Kerala with a job change. This is suppose to be a place i have known well, but seems like i got to start from the basics including my ways of settling down and adjusting to the new city. City is not bad, though i'm taking slightly more than expected time to settle down. If something got neglected the whole time, it would be my blog. It not coz' i didnt have anything to write, it was more coz' i had too much to write. Glad to be back to my space -

Pic Courtesy - Deviantart.com

Musings of a Solitary Soul !!!

Morning rays peeks in evoking me, waking me up
ending my long deep slumber and dreams
as I slowly realize that its just me and my solitude
You have been long gone, leaving the memories-
of a life behind, on a journey of no return
I walk around looking for you, hoping to 
see you play hide n seek, unable find
wishing you unveil yourself yelling my name-
like always as look in astonishment trying to touch you
Silence scares as the once grin face on the portrait-
looking impassive at my teary face; I know
there will be no come back, as the numbness
pull me back to the slumber, I wish as I close my eyes
never to wake up again to see the musings of a solitary soul!

PS: Sometimes long journeys invoke lot of thoughts in your mind, thankfully all ends well :)

Photo Courtesy - deviantart.com

Return of the Rains !

 

Looking at the sky to the changing colors and moods
as the summer breeze cools down giving way to the rain
as the tiny droplets dance to the tune of breeze till it finally hit the sand
splashing all the way, declaring its arrival, making me wonder
is it the mighty you, or you know, I would be watching you all the way!
Do you still remember that little girl in frock playing in the rain, hidden -
away from an unknown world beyond the walls in the protective arms of her mother
unaware of the challenges she will face and the griefs she will bear
As she played in the tiny raindrops with her little hands
and sometimes popping out her little head in rain
did you know, you wont hurt her, that She will always  be happy to see you.

 
My hands are not little anymore, I still love playing in rain
but why is it that every time your droplets touch me
it hurts, though it never pierced, bringing tears in my eyes.
Is it that you know me too well that you wash away  my  tears without a trace;
You with your mighty thunders and lights still know that I’m not afraid-
that I’ll never be afraid of you, but  will be waiting;
those little hands may have gave way to wrinkled, weary fingers,
though time cant change much to the memories of those rainy days!

PS: Im totally in love with the summer rain in Bengaluru! Its a rainy treat everyday, what a way to end a summer day :) 

The pic is taken from deviantart.com

Color My Life...

Color my world with your love n spread the smile

Color my dreams, let it spread the wings and fly high

Color my hopes, let it sail beyond the seven seas

Color my memories, let me cherish them for eternity

Color my tears, let them drop down on the rainbow

Color me blue, red or pink, lets forget the black n white!

 Childhood days are the best, carefree, worry-free life with No deadlines. As a child, bad day for me meant sharing my chocolate with others or allowing brother to lie down in papa's lap. Lives have changed, you have grown up, but when you start your conversation by saying “When I was a kid”, you know, you are getting old and missing your childhood days. But what we lost the most is the innocence which got lost in this journey of transition.

Friends, You made my days perfect! Without you, I don’t think I would have done all those things, thinking now I know 'How crazy that was'. I can very well understand those deadly looks on parents and teachers. I may not break the traffic rules again, I may not jump the wall to watch movies, I will never again send rockets in class rooms or I will never try to give food to a bear using my hands, I will never ride around the city in rain to get completely drenched. Those are days which belong to Us not Me.

Some of the best moments in life are unexpected and simple. Be it playing in mud on a rainy day or the small puppy you got from you best friend as a birthday gift  or meeting someone you had crush on accidentally or when you hear the news that you gonna be a mausi! Life is amazingly beautiful and painfully real.

One of the most precious relations made by God! I believe in angels from the day I opened my eyes, the day I saw my mom. I do wonder at times, how God made someone so patient, loving and forgiving. I know no matter what, at the end of the day, she will be there always a call away or a touch away! The most important thing is, you know that there is someone who completely trust and believes in you.

 One of the beautiful expressions of nature! Is there anyone who don’t like rain. I love rain, the monsoon rain specially, its beautiful, fierce, but end like a soft breeze touching you deep down. Have you ever noticed the nature after rain? For me rain brings back my childhood days, sitting in the courtyard watching rain and then trying to play in rain without allowing granny to catch me, making paper boats and playing with my cousins in water. I know some of you would be worried about the dirt. Trust me, once you are in rain, you wont even think about it, and the best part is that it got amazing healing powers :)

 My first & best friend, my strength and what not! When you are known to be a Papa's gal, you know how much you are inspired by him trying hard to follow his footsteps. He is the only person around, where I don’t want to grow up, always want remain as his little girl, who walks holding his hands and still do when he is around. What I remember the most will be my initial school days where he used to sit with me morning till evening in the class, coz he didn’t wanted to see my tears. Years have gone by, but nothing have changed much when I see him waiting for me at home eagerly. I’m glad I’m Pa's best girl, guess that’s what every daughter wants to be.

 

Life is like a roller coaster with its ups & downs, turns & twists, but it’s a beautiful journey where each day brings its own share of excitement and surprises. There is a pinch of salt, there are moments of hurt, but then you also learn to laugh. Is it the life itself, or is it the people around that make life so special!

Disclaimer - All the pics are taken from deviantart.com

My Precious Little World !!!

Precious, you are my memories;

Those broken pieces of past

Let me savor you in me; coz’

Without you, my world is meaningless!

Some things never change, no matter how many years pass; some memories will always stay intact. Time is a bad healer; when you miss the people you are grown up with, the people you lost, even their pics look so vivid, like it was taken yesterday. Looking back the ones I miss the most would be R & V, my best friends, who make my little world.

I don’t know how one react to the loss of their best friends, the ones who stand by you at each step of life, backing you without any reason, your secret keepers, an undeniable part of your family. I miss them almost every day, but the most, when I’m confused and wishing someone sorted it, a good listener without yelling or giving a weird expression. It’s ultimately a feeling that someone is there, understanding and supporting you for anything and everything. It’s not like I don’t have great friends, I do, but somehow they could never replace my musketeers. That’s how we were known, three devilish kids of the block. When I meet my old friends, school friends, they wonder how to talk about the good old days without mentioning R & V. I see Papa purposefully avoiding talks about anything which will remind of them, like time is going to heal everything.

I have moved on in life, with new friends, new place, a gala time relishing making new memories and moments, but at the end of the day, looking back, its their faces that I remember the most. Like you haven’t really gone a long way, you still have some of your past left with you. R used to be my morning alarm, calling up every day in the morning to wake me up and to ensure that I started my chores. I have two alarms now to wake me up in the morning; still I get up late thinking 'why that idiot didn’t call'. Realizations always click a bit low. I don’t want to get rid of those memories; that will remain to be my precious little world. Life is different, but they do live in one corner of my heart, sealed to others!

Welcome to Namma Bengaluru..!!!

We Indians have a bad habit, We don’t respond, till we are victims of things ourselves. Bangalore, aka Bengaluru my second home is close to my heart but then I come across incidents where I wonder, has the city really accepted me or am I still a stranger here? No offense to anyone, I’m just expressing my pain and frustration that anything can happen here and people will remain mute spectators and walk away. 

Saturday I was on my way back from a lunch outing with one of my colleague. Bangalore with its infamous traffic blocks, as usual we were stuck in a jam in Jayanagar. The car ahead of us jammed a sudden brake and naturally we had to screech to a halt and of course for the vehicles coming behind us in inch difference. Our car got bumped and we were sure that something hit ours. Naturally we got out to check whether there is any dent/damage. What we didn't expect was some stranger pulling my colleagues collar while I had no clue what’s going on.

It seems that because we pulled the break, they hit our car and one bikewala hit theirs.Now they wanted us to pay compensation. It took us a while for the realization to dawn that even if someone is hitting My car, I’m the one supposed to pay compensation. I thought are they had lost it what they are asking. But their behavior was far away from humane. With four Gundas around, we wondered what to do, we tried talking but went in vain, their threatening changed to manhandling my colleague. I called up the people I know, I called police, they asked us to come to police station immediately. But these Gundas didn’t allow going to police station, they just wanted money. Now their threatening style changed, If we take our car, they are gonna break it! All these while I didn’t see anyone coming forward with a helping hand. They could see a girl in the middle of all the fight, I saw curiousness in the bystanders faces like they are watching a movie. I realized that I can’t expect a helping hand. I called the police again to tell our situation, and was informed that someone will be reaching in 10mins. In the meanwhile, one of the family who was watching the entire incident came to our help. They told the mob that the fault is theirs and they hit us and we have done nothing wrong. The Gundas may have realized that they are not going to get any compensation; they took a big stone and came forward to break the car. We tried to stop from every side, my colleague was dragged away by two of them while the other two hit the car and broke the windows and then fled.

We have their Car number, we can recognize them anywhere, a case has been filed. What I don't understand is hasn’t human life got any value here. Is it like anyone can attack anyone for any reason or No reason. Do we have a system where by the time police reach us we could be safe? I'm worried, I thought at least in day light these kinds of things don’t happen. But I was so wrong.  The cars registration number is

KA 03 ME 6222 – Beware of them

I will go out again, but I will not forget this incident. Now I realize the necessity of learning Kannada. I May have handled the situation better, had I known Kannada. But does being humane got anything to do with what language you speak. Some of you will go through a similar situation or may come across. I hope you will “act” next time. I didn’t know whether to cry or beg at that point of time. Thinking now, I don't even know what was going in my mind. The moment I realized I won’t get a help, I hated the people, I hated the place. A request when something happens in front of you; React, Respond, Stop the Violence!

Reflections - Lost Mind!!!

The wait is finally over, gazing at the distant horizon
laughing at herself for the sheer folly;
As tears trickle down mocking at face
Trying to wipe out the last drop before it touches the cheek
Clueless as the world dead short in front of her!

She stared for a long time into the water. Seemed like the water will come up, embrace and console her that its all fine. Its all fine ! she exclaimed, not quite sure if her mind is following what she thinks. She had realized a long back that her mind had its own way of thinking which never followed what she wants. She wanted to be strong as if nothing really mattered, but her mind had other plans with its unusually rebellious mood swings, not quite sure to yell or to shout or just cry out as if its not easing anything.




Finally she looked at me and smiled, lets go! I tried to smile back, but failed miserably, it went somewhere without touching the eyes. I wanted to hug her tightly and whisper that I'm here and will be always. I wanted to take her in my arms and console, to take away those tears which was blurring her view. I was not sure, did she ever realize my existence, she never really cared I know. That’s all right, as long as I possessed her. I knew that at the end of the day she needed me, I was the one to give her peace. She looked at me and walked. I tried to stop but she was already in water, as the water embraced her, I couldn't see her or myself as I went along with her drowning, I don’t want to go, I tried to cry, but my tears were stopped by her smile, her mind is playing again with me, but this time she took me along her way towards the ever ending sleep. Finally we are at peace forever as the mind stopped playing.

Random Thoughts - On a Rainy Day..!!

 

New Year, New Resolutions, Promises to finish all those you have started yet left half way, yet it also brings the untainted memories of childhood. Was that the winter rain outside, pouring mercilessly trying to come inside my glass door or was it because of the Kishore Kumar voice melodiously and melancholy coming out of the radio or was that the hot cup of coffee on a rainy day which did the trick!! Yes, I do miss, my childhood days, my celebrations at home, playing around grandpa and those garam onion pakodas of my granny, its all running behind with past leaving me ahead.

I'm back to one of my somber moods missing my childhood days and pals wondering what I’m doing in this city.

Memories brings again those days of innocence where rain meant unending play in water and getting soaked, where celebration meant sharing one piece of cake among ten people, where impossible meant just another word from dictionary you didn’t want to pronounce., where fight meant your little arguments to sit on your favorite chair, where friends meant forever unconditionally, where Love was Papa's share of extra candy than others, where care was moms way of tugging you up and giving goodnight kiss, where grandpa was the best story teller than today’s thriller movie, where fashion was following Mama's style, where tears were meant to bring dear ones closer, Where life was lived with each moment cherished. I wonder did I left all that in the past
Wish I could just push a button to go back and pause there forever..!

I’m back after a long sabbatical, I guess everyone needs a break, but I feel more alive here penning down the thoughts. I missed you all and I know that I have a lot to catch up…

Happy New Year to All, lets live every moment of your life full, so that looking back, you don’t have a moment to regret..!!